For My Brother

 Tomorrow is my little brother's birthday, but since I'll be doing my bridals tomorrow, I'm writing this today to make sure that it gets done in time for his birthday. Look at what a little stud he is.

  Isn't he a cutie? I love being a big sister! I am so glad that I got to have a little sibling, not just an older one. From the time I was tiny, if I would get hurt or sad and started crying, my little brother always would run to my room, find a stuffed animal for me, and bring it to me to make me feel better. He also was my crazy playmate. If I wanted to play an adventure game, or play jungle animals, Garrett was the sibling I sought out. We spent so many Sunday afternoons in the backyard on the swing set playing make believe with our wooden swords, or hours inside playing pokemon with blocks and plastic figurines. With his creative imagination, we always had fun playing together. I was even allowed to play with his Hot Wheels, which I definitely couldn't do with my sister.

  As we got older, we would take the dogs on walks together, or he'd come to the park with me to play tennis. He was always someone I could nerd out with by playing Fire Emblem or Pokemon or Kingdom Hearts, which I couldn't do with anyone else in my family. 

  My brother is a really caring person. He has spoiled every dog we've ever had like crazy - he is always playing with them, cuddling with them, and when he was little, he would surround them with stuffed animals and take pictures of them, or teach them tricks, and always wants to have them sleep in his room at night. I have many pictures saved that he has drawn for me throughout the years (he's quite the artist). He will surprise me with hugs when he knows I need them.

My parents have beautiful children. That's all.

  He has a great sense of humor, and we always show each other funny videos or pictures we've found on the web, because we know we have similar senses of humor. He's also a really good sport about helping me out. I can't even count how many times he's come and helped me carry heavy stuff inside when I come home from college. He also is often willing to accompany me on boring errands, like getting gas, especially if it involves getting Keva Juice afterwards. 

  The kid is really talented. He can play the saxophone incredibly well, and I'm so glad I was able to attend almost all of his band concerts in high school, and even luckier to get to play with him in some cases. He is a great musician, and can improvise and memorize like nobody's business. He is a really great artist, and I am always amazed when I see what he can free hand with no reference. He has always been much better than me at science, and I am so proud of him for doing so well his first year of college. 

  As I've watched him date his girlfriend for 2 years now, (maybe 3? Okay, it's been awhile.) I've been so impressed with how he treats her. He has no qualms about taking her on dates as often as possible, and spends as much time as he can with her. He always asks me about the gift he's thinking of getting her to see if I think she'll like it. He treats her like a queen, and always has.

Definitely my favoritist picture of us ever.

  I am so glad that we are both old enough now (and not "too cool") to be real friends, not just "he's my little brother", or "required" friends. I love when we are both home from college and are able to go to dinner or go for ice cream and catch up. I am so blessed and so happy to have him as my little brother forever! Even though he's not very little anymore, haha. 

  I can't believe that he's going to be gone for two years. TWO YEARS. That is a long time!! I will miss him like crazy, and am already so excited for Christmas so I can skype with him and the rest of the family. The Philippines are very lucky to be getting him, and I know he will be a great missionary to those people. I love you, little brother! Happy 19th birthday! Thanks for being the best little brother in the world :)

For My Mom

  Today is this lovely lady's birthday:

  For those of you that aren't lucky enough to know her, this is my mom. Or Tanya. Whichever you prefer. Actually, unless you're her kid, you probably shouldn't call her mom. Moving on.

  Let me tell you why you are missing out if you don't know this woman. From the time I was tiny, I can remember my mom singing me to sleep every night, reading to me before bed, and picking a stuffed animal to sleep with every night. She made sure all of us kids got to do things we were interested in - piano lessons, violin, saxophone, soccer, little league, junior Jazz, karate, choir. If we were interested, she was interested. I don't know if she's ever missed one of our performances for any of the above. Well, except when Garrett got his appendix out. But that was still being supportive and caring. Haha. I can remember her doing my hair all of elementary school each morning in the hallway with me sitting Indian style in front of her. I remember her picking my outfits out each night and hanging them up for me on my dresser for the next morning. I remember her making sure me and Garrett had a good snack after school while we watched Arthur. She also taught me about cleanliness, and the importance of work and not procrastinating. She taught us that work came before play, and that you never do a job halfway. Always do your best. 

  My mom makes sure our family goes on many, many family trips together. I have so many good memories with my mom on vacations - hiking, playing games in the trailer, watching the Disney channel in our hotel, learning to snowmobile, walking on the beach, shopping at Disney, and having her as my ride buddy at Disneyworld and Disneyland. 

Dinosaur National Monument with the family

Disneyworld!

Disneyland - Buzz Lightyear ride

  Two summers ago I had the chance to go to Disneyland with just my mom for a couple days. We bought airplane tickets very spontaneously and giggled the whole way to the airport while we kept saying "I can't believe we're really doing this!" We had the chance to spend some really great time together, just the two of us, at our favorite place on earth. 

  My mother has turned into much more than just my mom. Now that I've grown out of my high school stage, my mom has become one of my best friends. I don't know how on earth I would get all my wedding stuff done without her, she has been a superstar. My mom is one of the first people I call when I have a bad day, or good news, or just need some advice or to vent. 

  One thing my mom always does is surprise me with gifts. I can't even count how many times I have come home and found new clothes on my bed for me to try on that she bought for me because she knew I'd like them. There have been so many times in college when I have been freaking out about how I was going to pay for something, only to check my bank account and see that my mom has deposited some money for me.

 

Jade forgot to open her eyes. Oh well.

   My mom is one of the funniest people I've ever met. We have spent hours together looking at stupid cards, pins, and jokes at the store or online. She will randomly start tap dancing or singing in a funny voice. I love going home and spending time with her whenever I have the chance. She is also incredibly spiritual. She has always made sure our family does family prayer and scriptures, FHE, and attended mutual and other church activities. I have never doubted my mother has an incredible testimony of this gospel and Jesus Christ. My testimony growing up was largely in part due to her. I feel so blessed that I am sealed to her forever, and I am so excited to have my whole family gathered together for my wedding in a few weeks, and that we will be together forever. 

  I don't know where I would be without my mom. She has taken care of me, supported me, and loved me so much. She has always taken great efforts to make sure she knows what's going on in my life, who my friends are, and to be involved in my life, no matter what stage I'm at. I have had so many friends tell me they love my mom and that they think she is so great, and I wholeheartedly agree with them. My mom makes me laugh, cries with me, and teaches me. She is one of my best friends, and I am so grateful for her every day. I love my mom so much, and I wouldn't trade her for the world!

Happy birthday Mom! I love you!

Thoughts

  It's finally hit me that I will be joining the "real world" soon where I have to worry about stuff like car insurance and renter's insurance and realizing that I won't ever be "going home to visit mom and dad for the weekend" again. Not in the same way. I'm not scared or dreading it, but it definitely is making me get my priorities straight and start taking some real responsibility for things. And maybe a little bit of reminiscing. So today is just a list of thoughts. And, unbelievably, they aren't even all wedding related! Haha.

• I want to write a book. I love writing, especially creative writing, and I would absolutely love to write an entire novel from my own head. I've wanted to do that for a loooong time.
• For the first time I'm understanding why paying tithing takes faith, and I'm gaining a real testimony of why it's so important, and how it is blessing me to put it first, no matter what.
• Sometimes it's hard realizing that in some ways, Justin is filling my parent's shoes now - providing for me, taking care of me when I'm sick, and becoming the priesthood leader of my soon-to-be family. Of course he's not replacing my parents, but he is definitely taking on some of their responsibility for me. 
• The first thing I want when I finally own a home is a piano. Oh, how I miss playing the piano!
• Anyone can change. Never, ever give up on someone. Because they have just as much of a right, and an ability, to change as you do. By limiting others, you are only limiting yourself. 
• I am so excited to meet and hold my new little niece or nephew in October, and for Jade and Cord to become parents! 
• I need to start keeping a journal. Not just a blog.
• DISNEYWORLD. SOOOOOOOON.
• Living under dinosaurs for the past 2 years has taught me the meaning of patience. And I will be able to greatly appreciate my new place where there aren't loud crazy people living around me. 
• I sound like an old person.
• I miss the stress-free years of being a little kid. I miss easy homework, playing outside, being fed delicious meals every night without even thinking about the cost or effort behind them, getting new toys and games and vacations and all that was required of me was a simple "thank you." I miss being surrounded all the time by people that you never doubted loved you and cared about you more than anything. 
• But I've finally figured out there are things about being an adult that are better than being a kid - like growing closer to my siblings, and being friends out of choice, not because we have to. My parents are not just my care-givers, but my biggest fan club, my support system, and my best friends. I'm so thankful for friends that stay throughout the years and are there for everything, the good and the bad. I finally have a real testimony of this gospel, not the simple faith of a child. I am able to feel more deeply, to understand more fully, and to recognize things for what they really are, not just their face value. 
• I miss Arthur. And Little House on the Prairie.
• Have I mentioned Disneyworld yet?
• I really hope that it's not still 40 degrees on May 11.
• I love puppies. I am SO EXCITED for the day I FINALLY get to buy a puppy!!
• I can't believe I've been in college for 3 years already. I feel like I graduated high school yesterday!
• I'm going to miss my little brother like crazy while he's on his mission for 2 years. We don't always get along and frankly, he can drive me crazy sometimes, but I have so many good memories with him and I love him to pieces. He better remember to write me back sometimes.
• Learning to longboard is the greatest thing that has ever come of one of my previous relationships. Haha. Just kidding. Maybe. 
• You are never too old to build a blanket fort. EVER.
• There is a huge difference between "lose" and "loose." Really people?
• #hashtagsdontworkonfacebooksostopusingthemthere
• Yes. I did buy me and Justin matching sweat jackets for our wedding that say "Judd" on the back with the number 13, since that's the year we're getting married. And I am REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THEM.
• Last but not least: I'm really excited for my honeymoon. That's in Disneyworld. That's only 29 days away. asodijakdcvnaewifjadlkvjaklsjer984vhakvj98aev. Excitement.

Wedding times are stressful times.

  I can't believe that it is already April. I don't even remember most of March. How did this semester fly by this fast?  Life has been pretty crazy the last month.  When I first got engaged, I was like "yeah, what up, I've been engaged one week and I already have my honeymoon booked, by dress bought, my reception center booked, a caterer, my bridesmaid dresses bought, and my photographer. This is going to be the easiest engagement ever."

And then life happened.  I was not planning on my sister getting pregnant and not fitting in her dress, I wasn't planning on the color of blue I picked being nigh impossible to find in a dress for the mothers, I wasn't planning on my other bridesmaid being measured 100% wrong at her appt and her dress not fitting and not having time to order her a new one, and I wasn't planning on all the little things adding up to take hours and hours of work to get done. I wasn't planning on my parents moving two and a half weeks before my wedding, my brother going on his mission the week after my honeymoon, or Justin and I having to move in to our new apartment during finals week.  I definitely wasn't planning on having to quit LDV, something I loved and learned so much from, because there just isn't time. I have never had a semester where I was literally so crunched for time that I had to start prioritizing the things I'm involved in, and start picking things that would have to go. 

I have been all over the emotional spectrum this semester (sorry, Mom and Justin. Hahaha). I have been so happy about getting married starting this new chapter of my life with my best friend. I have been that crazy person that cries and gets migraines because she can't figure out how on earth she's going to fit everything in.This semester has been me telling myself every single day "okay, if you can get through today, you're going to be doing so good." And remarkably, this has somehow worked. It sounds stupid. And crazy. But it has kept me sane to just think through things and prioritize my life every single day so I don't murder anyone (kidding) or lose my mind (much more likely). 

I think I am going to have a very happy fiance/husband when this is finally all over and I'm not trying to do school and wedding and work and life all at the same time. Also a happy Sloan. Happier, I should say. I am happy. Ice cream, my mom and best girl friends, and Justin Incredible Judd have gotten me through this semester and have helped me be happy in the midst of all this stress. But there's probably nothing I'd rather be super stressed out about than the best decision I've ever made in my life. 

In only 5 more weeks (or 33 days, but who's counting?) all my weeks of planning will finally culminate and I will get to marry my best friend! How can I stay unhappy when I have that to look forward to? Life is good. I'm so glad this last weekend was general conference and that I got to spend the weekend listening to the words of God through his servants. Such a good way to get my priorities back in order and to realize what's really important in life. I'm so grateful for this gospel and for the promise of eternal families! Life is good :)

Pokemon and other supplements of love.

  I thought I was going to be done with "the Saga of Justin and Sloan" after my last post, but I thought of another story I'd like to share.  If ya'll don't mind.
 
  There's one other "first" that I didn't cover in my last series of blog posts: our first time saying "I love you."

  If you're looking forward to a really cute, cheesy, chick-flick story, stop reading and go find another blog.  Because this story is nerdy, ridiculous, and totally me (which means probably a little more awkward than cute).  But if you aren't expecting that, then read on.  It still makes me laugh, and I hope it makes you laugh.

  Justin and I had been dating for about a month when I started to get that stupid little voice in the back of my head that would pop up at random times and say "hey, do you love him? You should say you love him. Right now.  I don't care what you're doing or who's around."

  Anyone else have that voice?

  Just me?

  Well this is awkward.  Either you're crazy too, or I'm crazy on my own.

  Anyway, we had come down for a weekend, I don't remember why, but before he headed back to Sandy for the night, he had come over to my house to hang out.  We went down to the family room in my basement to watch a movie.  Justin let me pick.  I decided I was going to test him a little bit by picking one of my favorite movies from my childhood, and seeing if he could handle it (this is a deal breaker, ladies.  If he can't turn off the "c(t)ool" switch long enough to watch a stupid movie with you, DROP HIM LIKE HE'S HOT).  So I popped in Pokemon: Spell of the Unown. If you want to borrow it from me, I'll understand.
 
  I was already impressed that he seemed totally happy when I turned it on, indicating a very desirable lack of tool-ness (ding ding ding we have a keeper!) However, when the short before the actual movie started and he started speaking Pokemon to me, I suddenly heard these words slip out before I could stop them: "I kind of love you."
 
  Yes.  I said I love you for the first time while watching Pokemon.  Is it a little embarrassing? No! Grow up, you judgmental human! It was awesome and it was how I knew we were going to last for a long time!  However, at the time I was incredibly embarrassed.  It was one of those "please tell me I did not just say that" moments.  Honestly, I don't even remember how he reacted because I was horrified with myself for crossing that boundary so soon after we became official.  What was wrong with me?! I didn't even say it right!

  I'm sure he probably laughed and acted like it was no big deal and then we watched the movie together and cuddled.  I do remember later before we left that we (finally) talked about it, and I think I apologized for probably freaking him out really bad.  But instead of getting awkward, he told me he kinda loved me too.  And then I think we used the "m" word (aka marriage, folks) in the same conversation for the first time. After that, we used the "l" word all the time, even when we weren't watching pokemon. Haha.

  They say when you know, you know.  I used to laugh at those people that said that, because I had been in a serious relationship before and we had said I love you and talked about marriage and I never had that feeling.  But I guess it just takes the right person (and God's blessing) for the real feeling to set in.  I knew in July that I was going to marry Justin and that it was only a matter of time.  I didn't tell him that of course.  No point in scaring away the person you're positive you're going to spend eternity with prematurely, haha.  Best save that kind of information for when you're already engaged to each other. ;)

  I wouldn't go back and change a thing about our dating life.  Not even the fact that I said I love you for the first time during Pokemon.

For My Sister

  Today is a very special day.  Not only is it finally warm enough for snow to be melting in Logan, but it is my very favorite sister's birthday.  And don't worry Jade, you'd still be my favorite sister even if you weren't my only one :)

  For those of you that don't know my sister, you are missing out.  Jade has been my role model since I was able to understand what a big sister (and a role model, I suppose) was.  Although she is 3 years older than me, she would still play with me up until I turned about 12.  Haha.  We spent countless summers playing Barbies in her walk-in closet, creating Barbie habitats in the basement (much to my parent's dismay), washing them in the sink, the tub, and the washing machine (until it took Ken's leg.  Poor Ken).  Jade was so cool to all of us cousins because she had a video camera which we used to make movies.  I really hope she still has all of them.  Even when she was almost too cool to play with her little sister (around 15), she still spent hours with me recording Barbie "Lord of the Rings" auditions.  We were just that original.  One of my favorite memories with Jade is sitting on her giant, blue, blow up armchair and playing synchronized Pokemon Yellow version on our Gameboy Colors.

  My sister is beautiful.  Allll growing up, I wanted to look just like her.  In my mind, she was perfect. I loved being at home when she went to dances, because I loved seeing her dressed up like a princess waiting for Prince Charming (sometimes...not so charming...haha) to come pick her up. On her wedding day, I remember thinking that if I could be half as pretty as Jade on my wedding day, I would be so happy.  I have never seen a more beautiful bride.

  But my sister isn't just looks.  She is legitimately the funniest person I know.  I always, always laugh hardest with her.  She is someone that perfectly understands my sense of humor. Most of our texting communication is texting memes back and forth because we know we can crack each other up.  She is spontaneous.  Last year for Easter, we made the mistake of going to a pet store, where there was a sale on baby chicks.  Somehow between the two of us, we ended up with 3 baby chickens to give to Cord for Easter.  We had to take them inside of a car dealership while Jade had her car serviced, and got several strange looks from the gentleman next to us who couldn't figure out why we had chirping boxes on our laps.  She is one of the funnest people to go grocery shopping with, because she'll buy weird foreign fruits to try with me. Kumquats are good, people.

  As we've grown older, I've come to treasure my relationship with my sister so much more.  When I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years after my freshman year of college, my sister held me for half an hour when she came in my room and found me sobbing underneath my covers.  She has been there for me through my hardest trials when no one else was and there was no one else I trusted.  She has always had time for me when I've needed her, no matter how small my problem.

  I love spending time with Jade, especially in somewhere related to Disney.  Last August, even though she's 23 (24 now) and was nearly 20, both of us left Disneyland with pillow pets, namely Stitch and Simba.  She used to purchase the Birnbaum Guide to Disney World nearly every year, just to read it.  I love sitting next to her on rides because she is such a Disney freak with me-maybe even more so.  She doesn't take pictures of her family at Disneyland, just the Disney characters in the parades.  We'll work on that.

  I love my big sister!  I don't know what I would do without her in my life.  As we've gotten older and she's gotten married and moved away from home, I have come to appreciate what she means to me even more, both as a friend and a sibling.  I am so grateful that my family is forever, and that I will always get to have Jade as my sister.

  Happy 24th Birthday Jadey!
 

O-Fish. And Swedish Kisses. Haha.

  When the semester ended, I moved to my new apartment with some help from Mr. Justin and a couple of his old roommates.  Justin stayed in Logan as a vagabond for a week or so looking for an apartment (which really meant he spent his days at my apartment because I actually had air conditioning and slept at Dan's house). My roommate/best friend Elise's boyfriend lived in Logan, which meant I spent all of my time with Cory & Elise and Justin. Luckily for me (and Justin, haha), I suddenly was spending "couple time" with Justin; "couple time" being defined as "we kinda like each other and since we spend all our time with a real couple it's okay to hold hands and cuddle all the time." Thanks, Cory and Elise.

  Justin found an apartment to move into, but he had to go home for a few days to pick his stuff up.  We spent one last evening together watching a movie (with Cory and Elise. Of course. And some girl's puppy that we were puppysitting). I walked him downstairs to say goodbye when he said he had to drive home, and after we hugged, we both kinda...lingered. So we went in for another hug-and this is where our stories differ-Justin claims that I turned my head and looked right up at him with our lips centimeters apart, but I swear all I did was try to hug him.  However, I was definitely not going to say no to him trying to kiss me-which I'm positive he did all on his own. Hehe.  It was magical.  And perfect.  And it was finally the right time for it.

  So Justin drove home and I stayed in Logan and thought about everything and tried to figure out what I wanted.  Did I want a relationship finally? Or still no? I did know that I missed Justin way more than I thought I would.  It was the first time since Christmas break we had gone this long without seeing each other, and to my great surprise, it was killing me.  
  
  But when Justin got back and told me if I was ready, he wanted me to be his girlfriend, I couldn't do it. We continued to spend literally all our time together, and then we both landed a job at the same restaurant.  I just wasn't ready to commit.  The end of the semester had been really hard for me, and I wasn't able to jump into something this serious-because I knew it would be serious-immediately.  

  At the end of May, my mom invited the two of us to come down and go out to dinner for my little brother's seminary graduation with my family and my grandparents.  When we got to Cheesecake Factory in Salt Lake, my grandma asked me who this boy I brought with me was, and I awkwardly replied "this is my....friend...Justin." 

  A few days later, after I went and met his parents for the first time, (STRESS.  Just kidding, his family is awesome. But meeting people makes me so nervous.) we were driving back to Logan.  As we were driving, I told him that I wasn't okay with things.  I told him how much it was bothering me to have told my grandma he was "just my friend."  On May 29, 2012, we FINALLY decided to make this thing official.  Not like FB official yet, but like for reals official.  

  And that is the story of how me and Justin Judd went from being acquaintances, to friends, to good friends, to awkward friends/more than friends, to more than friends but still awkwardly not official, to boyfriend and girlfriend! Justin is everything I've ever wanted in a man-handsome, athletic (okay, those two were just added benefits), kind, honest, funny, hardworking, intelligent, sincere, and most importantly a man of God.  Throughout the school year he was able to give me several blessings from my Heavenly Father as a worthy priesthood holder that helped me get through some REALLY hard times.  I love Justin with all my heart and could not be more excited to start a family with him! I don't know how I got lucky enough to end up with a guy like him, but I will be thanking my Heavenly Father everyday for the rest of eternity for putting Justin in my life and helping me finally wise-up enough to realize that even though I didn't feel like I matched up to him in any way at all, that this was right-for me, for Justin, and most definitely for our future. I'm sure our future children all gave a huge sigh of relief when I FINALLY figured this out. Haha.

  Only 97 more days until I become the very lucky and very happy wife of Justin Judd :)