The Blanket Bash Culmination

Before you read this post, read this one first. Because it explains why I'm writing this post. It'll make a lot more sense if you read that post first.

  I've already introduced my readers to Nicholette (if you missed that post, check it out here). After writing my blog post about her and her birthday blanket bash, I thought to myself, gee, I wish I could do more than write a blog post that gets about 20 views if I'm super-duper lucky. I wanted to really help. I wanted to find a way to make a difference, and a big one at that. 

After putting some thought into it, I remembered a program I had heard about on KUTV's website called Pay It Forward (see here). Basically, it's a program that gives extra help to people who need money to go towards a good cause. After reading the requirements, and realizing that Nicky fulfilled all of them, I decided to nominate her. 

The next week, one of the producers called me and asked me some more questions about Nicky, her project, and how we could secretly get her the help she needed without her knowing. With some help from Nicky's mom, we managed to set up an interview with one of the producers for the next Wednesday. I can't thank Nick's mom enough for letting me FaceTime the entire interview! I was so, so excited to see her reaction when she found out the interview was much more than a heartwarming Christmas story about charity.

So Wednesday arrived, and Nicky's mom pretended to be recording whilst truly allowing me to watch the interview via FaceTime (thanks, Apple). After asking a bunch of questions, the producer said, "Well, Nicholette, if you're going to reach your goal, you're going to need a lot more help than this." And then the CEO from Mountain America Credit Union stood up and presented Nicholette with an envelope containing $500, all going towards the birthday blanket bash! It was a very humbling, amazing experience to watch as Nicky's eyes filled with tears as the producer ratted me out and I got to talk to her for a second before she got some photos taken with her mom and sister for the article. By taking five minutes out of my daily life, I was able to help bring to light something - and someone - that truly deserved it.

Since that experience, I have been able to go shopping for supplies with Nicky. It was great to watch the way her face lit up when she explained to a confused cashier why she is buying just 32 coloring books or 24 packs of crayons, and the joy that she gains from helping others.

If this experience hasn't taught me the true spirit of Christmas, I don't know what will. It has been incredible to get to be a small part of Nicky's tradition, and to be able to help as much as I can. I am so, so grateful to Nick for giving me the chance to be part of this, and to help her serve as many people as possible.

 Because of the help she has received from numerous and generous friends, family, and acquaintances, Nicky's goal of 100 care packages, as well as 50 blankets and stuffed animals for Primary Children's, is within reach.

Nicky will be featured on KUTV's Pay it Forward program this upcoming Wednesday, Dec. 11 (Nicky's Birthday!!!) both on their television show, as well as online, so please take a moment to watch it. On Dec. 20 and 21, Nicky will get to go to Primary Children's as well as SLC to hand out her blankets, stuffed animals, and care packages, and have the biggest (and hopefully best) blanket bash yet. Congratulations, Nicholette!

On Grad School and Why I Won't Be Attending.

Last month, I made a huge life decision - I'm not applying for graduate school. Not now, and not in the foreseeable future. Grad school is something I had been planning on since I was in junior high, and when I was in high school, I decided I wanted to get my Ph.D. In my first two years of college, I kept developing these plans; I wanted to be a clinical psychologist and work with OCD patients specifically. Then, my junior year, I altered the plan - I was going to get my master's degree and work as a marriage and family therapist.

And then I married a boy, and real life hit me, hard. How on earth were we going to pay for him to go to med school for 4-6 years, and for me to go to grad school as well? Not to mention having to find programs within an hour of each other in the same state, and both get accepted. So, after praying, fasting, and attending the temple to find out the Lord's will on the subject, I received great peace that right now isn't the time for me to go to grad school. Although it greatly altered my career plans - not to mention the next four years of schooling that are no longer going to happen - I don't for one second regret the decision to marry Justin when I did. Nothing is more important to me than our little eternal family.

However, I soon realized that the world didn't receive the same revelation I did, nor did they necessarily understand it. I felt awkward explaining to family that I wasn't applying anymore, that not only could we not afford it, that the overall reason was that it just didn't feel right. I felt like a failure. Like I was letting everyone down by not continuing my education. Like I was taking the easy route.

 Harder even than that was trying to justify myself to coworkers, supervisors, and fellow students that are in the midst of applying right now - didn't I know that there are tons of students that are going to grad school while their spouse is in med school; what makes me think I can't be one of them? And worse than that, having people ask me what on earth I'm going to do with a bachelor's degree in psychology, everyone knows that you can't get a real job with that degree.

Needless to say, a decision that I originally felt at peace about has become a choice much harder to live with than I first anticipated. I have spent days agonizing over whether or not I'll be able to get a good enough job to support us while Justin's in med school, and wondering if I wasted four years of hard work getting a degree in something "useless," regardless of my love for the subject. In today's world, a master's degree has become the equivalent of what a bachelor's degree used to be.

When I was younger, yes, I wanted a career before I got married and had kids. I wouldn't have minded if I had graduated, gotten my master's degree, and then worked as a marriage and family therapist for a few years. But then I met Justin, and I made the best decision of my entire life (eternity, really) and married him. Not going to grad school can't even be called a sacrifice; I would do it all again, happily, to meet, fall in love with, and marry Justin. So I have had to alter my plan, again. Instead of getting my master's and being an MFT for a few years, I will be working with my plain old bachelor's degree, and in a few years, I will have the greatest blessing of all of being a mommy. Regardless of what the world says, there isn't a job in the world I want more than to be a mom. And if you want to debate about what a stay at home mom would earn if she got paid in more than hugs, kisses, and dirt, here's a great article from Forbes to answer that question.

I'm so grateful for a supportive husband that accepts my decisions, and has been amazing through all of this. I don't know what I would do without him to help me recognize my strengths and buoy me up when I feel down.

I most likely won't ever be a marriage and family therapist like I once dreamed. But it's okay. And it always will be okay, because I don't need a master's degree to feel good about myself, my job, or my life - I've got the right education for me, I've got my talents and abilities, I've got an amazing husband and supportive family, a loving Heavenly Father that loves me even with "just" a bachelor's degree, and now, I finally have the right attitude.

A Service Opportunity for You

Halloween is over, and you know what that means, right?

Christmas music, Christmas movies, and most of all, Christmas spirit!

No disrespect to Thanksgiving - I just get really excited about Christmas. It's nothing personal, Thanksgiving.

And while the whole "Christmas spirit" may sound incredibly cheesy, it really is my favorite part of the holiday season. I love the outpouring of service, kindness, and thoughtfulness between family, friends, and complete strangers. I know that I always wish I could find a way to be involved in some sort of service around the holiday season, and that it can sometimes be hard to find time to volunteer or set up a project to help others. Which is why I'm making this post today.

I have a dear friend named Nicholette.

Isn't she just the cutest? I love this girl.

Nicky is someone I've known for years now, and if I only could use one word to describe her, it would be selfless. She is constantly looking for and taking advantage of opportunities to help others. I could write an entire novel about all the things she has done for just me, let alone her family, whom she is devoted to, and her other numerous friends. 

But there is one thing in particular Nicky has done for others that I'd like to write about today. For 10 years now, Nicky has given up her birthday (Dec. 11) in order to help others. Instead of presents, she asks for people to donate stuffed animals and blankets to take to Primary Children's in December and hands them out to the kids there. In the last couple of years, she has also started putting together care packages as well to hand out to the homeless. 

Since the age of 12, Nicky has sacrificed a day dedicated to her, her own personal holiday, for the good of others. I don't know about you, but I don't know if I could do that. But I do know that Nicky makes me want to be a better person and help others more. 

So, I want to help her achieve her 10-year anniversary goal: to make 100 care packages to hand out in Salt Lake this December. But she can't do it on her own- she needs my help, and your help. I would encourage all of you readers to help - it doesn't have to be big. Just a pair of gloves, a toothbrush, a scarf, a blanket. Something you can buy for just a few dollars at Walmart. Any items you wish to donate can be sent to me (FB message me or leave a comment for my mailing address, or let me know if you need me to come pick it up) by DEC. 1.

Christmas is such a great opportunity to be part of something bigger, and I am so grateful for Nicholette for giving me - and you - the chance to do so. Help her to change some lives this holiday season.

For a full list of items you can donate, please see the following link:

Birthday Blanket Bash

This post is all about you - yes, you!

Okay, turns out I kind of suck at blogging now that I'm married. Oops. It's probably because I know I just can't top my own love story! Haha...just kidding, guys.

But I don't want to write about my life today. I want to write about an idea. This is an idea I got the summer after my freshman year, waaaaay back in 2011 (okay, only two years ago, but it feels like ages). I was working at Jerry Seiner car dealership, and had a bazillion hours to kill during my 8 hour shifts. So, I decided I was going to write a letter to anyone from high school that had had an influence on me (for the record, I don't claim the creative rights to coming up with this idea - I'm sure I heard it from someone else first). My best friends, my good friends, my somewhat-good friends...almost all of them got a letter (I think...if you're reading this and didn't get one and feel you should have, feel free to write me a (nice) complaint in the comments section below). In that letter, I told them what they had done for me, why it was important to me, and the lasting influence they had on my life. I wanted these people to be recognized, to feel appreciated, and most of all, to realize that you don't have to be a superhero or super unique or amazing to change someone's life. Each of us can significantly influence people we come in contact with - every day.

So that's my challenge to you, blog readers. Pick someone. Anyone. I don't care if it's someone on the bus that smiles at you every day, your mom, your old piano teacher, whatever! Just pick someone that has changed your life, in small ways or big ways, and write them a letter. Let them know what they've done to help you. Make it short, or make it long. Sign it, or leave it anonymous.

Then, SEND IT. It's not enough to just write it. Send it to that person. I guarantee it will make their day. How do I know it will? Because it would make my day if someone sent me a letter and told me why they thought I was the cat's pajamas! Wouldn't it make yours?

So please, take this opportunity this week to thank someone that has influenced you. Keep the good karma going. :)

Then, leave me a comment - let me know you did it! I promise I'll send more good feelings your way, and it makes me happy to know you are making someone else happy :)

Good luck!!

Life of a Jobless Housewife

  Let's say you watch a fast-paced action movie for two hours, and then, right before the climax of the movie, someone hits pause. For hours. And you are waiting on tenterhooks to see what the next scene will be.

  That's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. After school, finals, wedding planning, moving, moving again, moving for a third time, the actual wedding, the honeymoon, dropping off little bro at the MTC, and then finally coming back to Logan to settle down...what happens next?

  Justin works two jobs right now, one during the day, and one two or three nights a week. And where does that leave me, the unemployed one? Home. All day. With the upstairs neighbors that don't speak English.

  It's not that I'm not trying - goodness knows I've been trying. Well, not trying to speak to the neighbors. I just don't know any Burmese. But after 25 job applications filled out, and being told "we filled that position last week" multiple times, it's hard not to be discouraged. I'm left to doing laundry (check), unpacking every possible box (check), cleaning rooms multiple times a week (check), and cooking every night (okay, I actually enjoy cooking. So that's good). It was fine for the first week when I had a million things I needed to get  done. Not so much now.

  Goodbye Sloan, hello crazy.

  I need to find some married friends in Logan. Or even a single girl that will spend time with me. For like an hour. To get ice cream and have girl talk.

  I'm taking applications for those positions. And I can almost guarantee you'll be hired.



 

For My Brother

 Tomorrow is my little brother's birthday, but since I'll be doing my bridals tomorrow, I'm writing this today to make sure that it gets done in time for his birthday. Look at what a little stud he is.

  Isn't he a cutie? I love being a big sister! I am so glad that I got to have a little sibling, not just an older one. From the time I was tiny, if I would get hurt or sad and started crying, my little brother always would run to my room, find a stuffed animal for me, and bring it to me to make me feel better. He also was my crazy playmate. If I wanted to play an adventure game, or play jungle animals, Garrett was the sibling I sought out. We spent so many Sunday afternoons in the backyard on the swing set playing make believe with our wooden swords, or hours inside playing pokemon with blocks and plastic figurines. With his creative imagination, we always had fun playing together. I was even allowed to play with his Hot Wheels, which I definitely couldn't do with my sister.

  As we got older, we would take the dogs on walks together, or he'd come to the park with me to play tennis. He was always someone I could nerd out with by playing Fire Emblem or Pokemon or Kingdom Hearts, which I couldn't do with anyone else in my family. 

  My brother is a really caring person. He has spoiled every dog we've ever had like crazy - he is always playing with them, cuddling with them, and when he was little, he would surround them with stuffed animals and take pictures of them, or teach them tricks, and always wants to have them sleep in his room at night. I have many pictures saved that he has drawn for me throughout the years (he's quite the artist). He will surprise me with hugs when he knows I need them.

My parents have beautiful children. That's all.

  He has a great sense of humor, and we always show each other funny videos or pictures we've found on the web, because we know we have similar senses of humor. He's also a really good sport about helping me out. I can't even count how many times he's come and helped me carry heavy stuff inside when I come home from college. He also is often willing to accompany me on boring errands, like getting gas, especially if it involves getting Keva Juice afterwards. 

  The kid is really talented. He can play the saxophone incredibly well, and I'm so glad I was able to attend almost all of his band concerts in high school, and even luckier to get to play with him in some cases. He is a great musician, and can improvise and memorize like nobody's business. He is a really great artist, and I am always amazed when I see what he can free hand with no reference. He has always been much better than me at science, and I am so proud of him for doing so well his first year of college. 

  As I've watched him date his girlfriend for 2 years now, (maybe 3? Okay, it's been awhile.) I've been so impressed with how he treats her. He has no qualms about taking her on dates as often as possible, and spends as much time as he can with her. He always asks me about the gift he's thinking of getting her to see if I think she'll like it. He treats her like a queen, and always has.

Definitely my favoritist picture of us ever.

  I am so glad that we are both old enough now (and not "too cool") to be real friends, not just "he's my little brother", or "required" friends. I love when we are both home from college and are able to go to dinner or go for ice cream and catch up. I am so blessed and so happy to have him as my little brother forever! Even though he's not very little anymore, haha. 

  I can't believe that he's going to be gone for two years. TWO YEARS. That is a long time!! I will miss him like crazy, and am already so excited for Christmas so I can skype with him and the rest of the family. The Philippines are very lucky to be getting him, and I know he will be a great missionary to those people. I love you, little brother! Happy 19th birthday! Thanks for being the best little brother in the world :)

For My Mom

  Today is this lovely lady's birthday:

  For those of you that aren't lucky enough to know her, this is my mom. Or Tanya. Whichever you prefer. Actually, unless you're her kid, you probably shouldn't call her mom. Moving on.

  Let me tell you why you are missing out if you don't know this woman. From the time I was tiny, I can remember my mom singing me to sleep every night, reading to me before bed, and picking a stuffed animal to sleep with every night. She made sure all of us kids got to do things we were interested in - piano lessons, violin, saxophone, soccer, little league, junior Jazz, karate, choir. If we were interested, she was interested. I don't know if she's ever missed one of our performances for any of the above. Well, except when Garrett got his appendix out. But that was still being supportive and caring. Haha. I can remember her doing my hair all of elementary school each morning in the hallway with me sitting Indian style in front of her. I remember her picking my outfits out each night and hanging them up for me on my dresser for the next morning. I remember her making sure me and Garrett had a good snack after school while we watched Arthur. She also taught me about cleanliness, and the importance of work and not procrastinating. She taught us that work came before play, and that you never do a job halfway. Always do your best. 

  My mom makes sure our family goes on many, many family trips together. I have so many good memories with my mom on vacations - hiking, playing games in the trailer, watching the Disney channel in our hotel, learning to snowmobile, walking on the beach, shopping at Disney, and having her as my ride buddy at Disneyworld and Disneyland. 

Dinosaur National Monument with the family

Disneyworld!

Disneyland - Buzz Lightyear ride

  Two summers ago I had the chance to go to Disneyland with just my mom for a couple days. We bought airplane tickets very spontaneously and giggled the whole way to the airport while we kept saying "I can't believe we're really doing this!" We had the chance to spend some really great time together, just the two of us, at our favorite place on earth. 

  My mother has turned into much more than just my mom. Now that I've grown out of my high school stage, my mom has become one of my best friends. I don't know how on earth I would get all my wedding stuff done without her, she has been a superstar. My mom is one of the first people I call when I have a bad day, or good news, or just need some advice or to vent. 

  One thing my mom always does is surprise me with gifts. I can't even count how many times I have come home and found new clothes on my bed for me to try on that she bought for me because she knew I'd like them. There have been so many times in college when I have been freaking out about how I was going to pay for something, only to check my bank account and see that my mom has deposited some money for me.

 

Jade forgot to open her eyes. Oh well.

   My mom is one of the funniest people I've ever met. We have spent hours together looking at stupid cards, pins, and jokes at the store or online. She will randomly start tap dancing or singing in a funny voice. I love going home and spending time with her whenever I have the chance. She is also incredibly spiritual. She has always made sure our family does family prayer and scriptures, FHE, and attended mutual and other church activities. I have never doubted my mother has an incredible testimony of this gospel and Jesus Christ. My testimony growing up was largely in part due to her. I feel so blessed that I am sealed to her forever, and I am so excited to have my whole family gathered together for my wedding in a few weeks, and that we will be together forever. 

  I don't know where I would be without my mom. She has taken care of me, supported me, and loved me so much. She has always taken great efforts to make sure she knows what's going on in my life, who my friends are, and to be involved in my life, no matter what stage I'm at. I have had so many friends tell me they love my mom and that they think she is so great, and I wholeheartedly agree with them. My mom makes me laugh, cries with me, and teaches me. She is one of my best friends, and I am so grateful for her every day. I love my mom so much, and I wouldn't trade her for the world!

Happy birthday Mom! I love you!

Thoughts

  It's finally hit me that I will be joining the "real world" soon where I have to worry about stuff like car insurance and renter's insurance and realizing that I won't ever be "going home to visit mom and dad for the weekend" again. Not in the same way. I'm not scared or dreading it, but it definitely is making me get my priorities straight and start taking some real responsibility for things. And maybe a little bit of reminiscing. So today is just a list of thoughts. And, unbelievably, they aren't even all wedding related! Haha.

• I want to write a book. I love writing, especially creative writing, and I would absolutely love to write an entire novel from my own head. I've wanted to do that for a loooong time.
• For the first time I'm understanding why paying tithing takes faith, and I'm gaining a real testimony of why it's so important, and how it is blessing me to put it first, no matter what.
• Sometimes it's hard realizing that in some ways, Justin is filling my parent's shoes now - providing for me, taking care of me when I'm sick, and becoming the priesthood leader of my soon-to-be family. Of course he's not replacing my parents, but he is definitely taking on some of their responsibility for me. 
• The first thing I want when I finally own a home is a piano. Oh, how I miss playing the piano!
• Anyone can change. Never, ever give up on someone. Because they have just as much of a right, and an ability, to change as you do. By limiting others, you are only limiting yourself. 
• I am so excited to meet and hold my new little niece or nephew in October, and for Jade and Cord to become parents! 
• I need to start keeping a journal. Not just a blog.
• DISNEYWORLD. SOOOOOOOON.
• Living under dinosaurs for the past 2 years has taught me the meaning of patience. And I will be able to greatly appreciate my new place where there aren't loud crazy people living around me. 
• I sound like an old person.
• I miss the stress-free years of being a little kid. I miss easy homework, playing outside, being fed delicious meals every night without even thinking about the cost or effort behind them, getting new toys and games and vacations and all that was required of me was a simple "thank you." I miss being surrounded all the time by people that you never doubted loved you and cared about you more than anything. 
• But I've finally figured out there are things about being an adult that are better than being a kid - like growing closer to my siblings, and being friends out of choice, not because we have to. My parents are not just my care-givers, but my biggest fan club, my support system, and my best friends. I'm so thankful for friends that stay throughout the years and are there for everything, the good and the bad. I finally have a real testimony of this gospel, not the simple faith of a child. I am able to feel more deeply, to understand more fully, and to recognize things for what they really are, not just their face value. 
• I miss Arthur. And Little House on the Prairie.
• Have I mentioned Disneyworld yet?
• I really hope that it's not still 40 degrees on May 11.
• I love puppies. I am SO EXCITED for the day I FINALLY get to buy a puppy!!
• I can't believe I've been in college for 3 years already. I feel like I graduated high school yesterday!
• I'm going to miss my little brother like crazy while he's on his mission for 2 years. We don't always get along and frankly, he can drive me crazy sometimes, but I have so many good memories with him and I love him to pieces. He better remember to write me back sometimes.
• Learning to longboard is the greatest thing that has ever come of one of my previous relationships. Haha. Just kidding. Maybe. 
• You are never too old to build a blanket fort. EVER.
• There is a huge difference between "lose" and "loose." Really people?
• #hashtagsdontworkonfacebooksostopusingthemthere
• Yes. I did buy me and Justin matching sweat jackets for our wedding that say "Judd" on the back with the number 13, since that's the year we're getting married. And I am REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THEM.
• Last but not least: I'm really excited for my honeymoon. That's in Disneyworld. That's only 29 days away. asodijakdcvnaewifjadlkvjaklsjer984vhakvj98aev. Excitement.

Wedding times are stressful times.

  I can't believe that it is already April. I don't even remember most of March. How did this semester fly by this fast?  Life has been pretty crazy the last month.  When I first got engaged, I was like "yeah, what up, I've been engaged one week and I already have my honeymoon booked, by dress bought, my reception center booked, a caterer, my bridesmaid dresses bought, and my photographer. This is going to be the easiest engagement ever."

And then life happened.  I was not planning on my sister getting pregnant and not fitting in her dress, I wasn't planning on the color of blue I picked being nigh impossible to find in a dress for the mothers, I wasn't planning on my other bridesmaid being measured 100% wrong at her appt and her dress not fitting and not having time to order her a new one, and I wasn't planning on all the little things adding up to take hours and hours of work to get done. I wasn't planning on my parents moving two and a half weeks before my wedding, my brother going on his mission the week after my honeymoon, or Justin and I having to move in to our new apartment during finals week.  I definitely wasn't planning on having to quit LDV, something I loved and learned so much from, because there just isn't time. I have never had a semester where I was literally so crunched for time that I had to start prioritizing the things I'm involved in, and start picking things that would have to go. 

I have been all over the emotional spectrum this semester (sorry, Mom and Justin. Hahaha). I have been so happy about getting married starting this new chapter of my life with my best friend. I have been that crazy person that cries and gets migraines because she can't figure out how on earth she's going to fit everything in.This semester has been me telling myself every single day "okay, if you can get through today, you're going to be doing so good." And remarkably, this has somehow worked. It sounds stupid. And crazy. But it has kept me sane to just think through things and prioritize my life every single day so I don't murder anyone (kidding) or lose my mind (much more likely). 

I think I am going to have a very happy fiance/husband when this is finally all over and I'm not trying to do school and wedding and work and life all at the same time. Also a happy Sloan. Happier, I should say. I am happy. Ice cream, my mom and best girl friends, and Justin Incredible Judd have gotten me through this semester and have helped me be happy in the midst of all this stress. But there's probably nothing I'd rather be super stressed out about than the best decision I've ever made in my life. 

In only 5 more weeks (or 33 days, but who's counting?) all my weeks of planning will finally culminate and I will get to marry my best friend! How can I stay unhappy when I have that to look forward to? Life is good. I'm so glad this last weekend was general conference and that I got to spend the weekend listening to the words of God through his servants. Such a good way to get my priorities back in order and to realize what's really important in life. I'm so grateful for this gospel and for the promise of eternal families! Life is good :)

Pokemon and other supplements of love.

  I thought I was going to be done with "the Saga of Justin and Sloan" after my last post, but I thought of another story I'd like to share.  If ya'll don't mind.
 
  There's one other "first" that I didn't cover in my last series of blog posts: our first time saying "I love you."

  If you're looking forward to a really cute, cheesy, chick-flick story, stop reading and go find another blog.  Because this story is nerdy, ridiculous, and totally me (which means probably a little more awkward than cute).  But if you aren't expecting that, then read on.  It still makes me laugh, and I hope it makes you laugh.

  Justin and I had been dating for about a month when I started to get that stupid little voice in the back of my head that would pop up at random times and say "hey, do you love him? You should say you love him. Right now.  I don't care what you're doing or who's around."

  Anyone else have that voice?

  Just me?

  Well this is awkward.  Either you're crazy too, or I'm crazy on my own.

  Anyway, we had come down for a weekend, I don't remember why, but before he headed back to Sandy for the night, he had come over to my house to hang out.  We went down to the family room in my basement to watch a movie.  Justin let me pick.  I decided I was going to test him a little bit by picking one of my favorite movies from my childhood, and seeing if he could handle it (this is a deal breaker, ladies.  If he can't turn off the "c(t)ool" switch long enough to watch a stupid movie with you, DROP HIM LIKE HE'S HOT).  So I popped in Pokemon: Spell of the Unown. If you want to borrow it from me, I'll understand.
 
  I was already impressed that he seemed totally happy when I turned it on, indicating a very desirable lack of tool-ness (ding ding ding we have a keeper!) However, when the short before the actual movie started and he started speaking Pokemon to me, I suddenly heard these words slip out before I could stop them: "I kind of love you."
 
  Yes.  I said I love you for the first time while watching Pokemon.  Is it a little embarrassing? No! Grow up, you judgmental human! It was awesome and it was how I knew we were going to last for a long time!  However, at the time I was incredibly embarrassed.  It was one of those "please tell me I did not just say that" moments.  Honestly, I don't even remember how he reacted because I was horrified with myself for crossing that boundary so soon after we became official.  What was wrong with me?! I didn't even say it right!

  I'm sure he probably laughed and acted like it was no big deal and then we watched the movie together and cuddled.  I do remember later before we left that we (finally) talked about it, and I think I apologized for probably freaking him out really bad.  But instead of getting awkward, he told me he kinda loved me too.  And then I think we used the "m" word (aka marriage, folks) in the same conversation for the first time. After that, we used the "l" word all the time, even when we weren't watching pokemon. Haha.

  They say when you know, you know.  I used to laugh at those people that said that, because I had been in a serious relationship before and we had said I love you and talked about marriage and I never had that feeling.  But I guess it just takes the right person (and God's blessing) for the real feeling to set in.  I knew in July that I was going to marry Justin and that it was only a matter of time.  I didn't tell him that of course.  No point in scaring away the person you're positive you're going to spend eternity with prematurely, haha.  Best save that kind of information for when you're already engaged to each other. ;)

  I wouldn't go back and change a thing about our dating life.  Not even the fact that I said I love you for the first time during Pokemon.

For My Sister

  Today is a very special day.  Not only is it finally warm enough for snow to be melting in Logan, but it is my very favorite sister's birthday.  And don't worry Jade, you'd still be my favorite sister even if you weren't my only one :)

  For those of you that don't know my sister, you are missing out.  Jade has been my role model since I was able to understand what a big sister (and a role model, I suppose) was.  Although she is 3 years older than me, she would still play with me up until I turned about 12.  Haha.  We spent countless summers playing Barbies in her walk-in closet, creating Barbie habitats in the basement (much to my parent's dismay), washing them in the sink, the tub, and the washing machine (until it took Ken's leg.  Poor Ken).  Jade was so cool to all of us cousins because she had a video camera which we used to make movies.  I really hope she still has all of them.  Even when she was almost too cool to play with her little sister (around 15), she still spent hours with me recording Barbie "Lord of the Rings" auditions.  We were just that original.  One of my favorite memories with Jade is sitting on her giant, blue, blow up armchair and playing synchronized Pokemon Yellow version on our Gameboy Colors.

  My sister is beautiful.  Allll growing up, I wanted to look just like her.  In my mind, she was perfect. I loved being at home when she went to dances, because I loved seeing her dressed up like a princess waiting for Prince Charming (sometimes...not so charming...haha) to come pick her up. On her wedding day, I remember thinking that if I could be half as pretty as Jade on my wedding day, I would be so happy.  I have never seen a more beautiful bride.

  But my sister isn't just looks.  She is legitimately the funniest person I know.  I always, always laugh hardest with her.  She is someone that perfectly understands my sense of humor. Most of our texting communication is texting memes back and forth because we know we can crack each other up.  She is spontaneous.  Last year for Easter, we made the mistake of going to a pet store, where there was a sale on baby chicks.  Somehow between the two of us, we ended up with 3 baby chickens to give to Cord for Easter.  We had to take them inside of a car dealership while Jade had her car serviced, and got several strange looks from the gentleman next to us who couldn't figure out why we had chirping boxes on our laps.  She is one of the funnest people to go grocery shopping with, because she'll buy weird foreign fruits to try with me. Kumquats are good, people.

  As we've grown older, I've come to treasure my relationship with my sister so much more.  When I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years after my freshman year of college, my sister held me for half an hour when she came in my room and found me sobbing underneath my covers.  She has been there for me through my hardest trials when no one else was and there was no one else I trusted.  She has always had time for me when I've needed her, no matter how small my problem.

  I love spending time with Jade, especially in somewhere related to Disney.  Last August, even though she's 23 (24 now) and was nearly 20, both of us left Disneyland with pillow pets, namely Stitch and Simba.  She used to purchase the Birnbaum Guide to Disney World nearly every year, just to read it.  I love sitting next to her on rides because she is such a Disney freak with me-maybe even more so.  She doesn't take pictures of her family at Disneyland, just the Disney characters in the parades.  We'll work on that.

  I love my big sister!  I don't know what I would do without her in my life.  As we've gotten older and she's gotten married and moved away from home, I have come to appreciate what she means to me even more, both as a friend and a sibling.  I am so grateful that my family is forever, and that I will always get to have Jade as my sister.

  Happy 24th Birthday Jadey!
 

O-Fish. And Swedish Kisses. Haha.

  When the semester ended, I moved to my new apartment with some help from Mr. Justin and a couple of his old roommates.  Justin stayed in Logan as a vagabond for a week or so looking for an apartment (which really meant he spent his days at my apartment because I actually had air conditioning and slept at Dan's house). My roommate/best friend Elise's boyfriend lived in Logan, which meant I spent all of my time with Cory & Elise and Justin. Luckily for me (and Justin, haha), I suddenly was spending "couple time" with Justin; "couple time" being defined as "we kinda like each other and since we spend all our time with a real couple it's okay to hold hands and cuddle all the time." Thanks, Cory and Elise.

  Justin found an apartment to move into, but he had to go home for a few days to pick his stuff up.  We spent one last evening together watching a movie (with Cory and Elise. Of course. And some girl's puppy that we were puppysitting). I walked him downstairs to say goodbye when he said he had to drive home, and after we hugged, we both kinda...lingered. So we went in for another hug-and this is where our stories differ-Justin claims that I turned my head and looked right up at him with our lips centimeters apart, but I swear all I did was try to hug him.  However, I was definitely not going to say no to him trying to kiss me-which I'm positive he did all on his own. Hehe.  It was magical.  And perfect.  And it was finally the right time for it.

  So Justin drove home and I stayed in Logan and thought about everything and tried to figure out what I wanted.  Did I want a relationship finally? Or still no? I did know that I missed Justin way more than I thought I would.  It was the first time since Christmas break we had gone this long without seeing each other, and to my great surprise, it was killing me.  
  
  But when Justin got back and told me if I was ready, he wanted me to be his girlfriend, I couldn't do it. We continued to spend literally all our time together, and then we both landed a job at the same restaurant.  I just wasn't ready to commit.  The end of the semester had been really hard for me, and I wasn't able to jump into something this serious-because I knew it would be serious-immediately.  

  At the end of May, my mom invited the two of us to come down and go out to dinner for my little brother's seminary graduation with my family and my grandparents.  When we got to Cheesecake Factory in Salt Lake, my grandma asked me who this boy I brought with me was, and I awkwardly replied "this is my....friend...Justin." 

  A few days later, after I went and met his parents for the first time, (STRESS.  Just kidding, his family is awesome. But meeting people makes me so nervous.) we were driving back to Logan.  As we were driving, I told him that I wasn't okay with things.  I told him how much it was bothering me to have told my grandma he was "just my friend."  On May 29, 2012, we FINALLY decided to make this thing official.  Not like FB official yet, but like for reals official.  

  And that is the story of how me and Justin Judd went from being acquaintances, to friends, to good friends, to awkward friends/more than friends, to more than friends but still awkwardly not official, to boyfriend and girlfriend! Justin is everything I've ever wanted in a man-handsome, athletic (okay, those two were just added benefits), kind, honest, funny, hardworking, intelligent, sincere, and most importantly a man of God.  Throughout the school year he was able to give me several blessings from my Heavenly Father as a worthy priesthood holder that helped me get through some REALLY hard times.  I love Justin with all my heart and could not be more excited to start a family with him! I don't know how I got lucky enough to end up with a guy like him, but I will be thanking my Heavenly Father everyday for the rest of eternity for putting Justin in my life and helping me finally wise-up enough to realize that even though I didn't feel like I matched up to him in any way at all, that this was right-for me, for Justin, and most definitely for our future. I'm sure our future children all gave a huge sigh of relief when I FINALLY figured this out. Haha.

  Only 97 more days until I become the very lucky and very happy wife of Justin Judd :)

Slow and Steady Wins the Race...aka Mr. Nice Guy

  The semester was finally coming to a close, and I made a huge decision to stay up in Logan to find a job for the summer with my best friend Elise instead of moving home and working there for a few months.  I wanted a job that would carry through to the school year.  This will tie in later, I promise.

  Right before the semester ended, I finally decided I liked Justin enough to cuddle for reals with him, instead of being an awkward semi-participant.  Also, we both kinda got the "ok" from our roommates that had dated the other person that year.  Green means go! We watched a movie together (finally) and cuddled (it wasn't even awkward this time!)  We were super close and I teasingly asked him if he was going to kiss me.  His answer really stopped me, because it was so genuine and so unexpected: "I don't want our first kiss to be like this."

  And that was the moment I finally fell for Justin Judd.  Up until that point, I hadn't been sure that he had real feelings, or "I'm lonely and need a cuddle buddy" feelings.  Having him say no when so many other guys would have said yes was the deal-breaker for me.  Intead of just seeing him as an older brother figure like I kept telling my roommate, there were finally real, live feelings there!
  
  Again, I wish I could say that "falling" =  "finally got a clue", or  "our relationship bloomed into some amazing surreal beautiful thing"...but I was still like ehhhhh...I don't know if I'm ready for a "real relationship" after my last one was such a disaster.  So snail-pace decisions ensued.

  On the last day of school (literally all of my roommates besides one were moving out that day), Justin asked me if I wanted to go on a date to see the Avengers with him.  Because I'm a sucker for free food, Marvel superheroes, and cute boys, I said yes.  In between all our move-out cleaning, Justin took me on what I consider our first "real" date, because it was finally a "we both kinda like each other" date not a "I punched you in the face and I'm sorry and I'm attracted to you" date.  We went to a pizza place in downtown Logan and had a really great time.  When we got to the movie, we sat next to a couple of albinos (unrelated super cool fact about the first time I ever saw an albino in real life.  Moving on.)  We held hands and it was cute and then he dropped me off.  It was such a fun date, but I still wasn't taking everything serious because he was moving home and I was staying in Logan.  (I told you it would tie in later.)

  But then Justin also made a huge decision-HE was going to stay in Logan for the summer, if he could find somewhere to live, but only IF he could.  (Okay, obvi he does.  But that's in the next chapter.)

  It's amazing Justin was able to go through all my indecisiveness period and still keep going for it.  Lucky for me, he seemed to see in me what even I couldn't see in me.  However, by the end of May, things were really starting to take off....

Fists of Fury (Because I hadn't gone out with him yet.)

  Spring Break ended (unfortunately), and all of us returned to USU.  Justin and I continued to be good friends, but that's it.  As the months got warmer, we started playing tennis together after karate class.  On one of these occasions, we went to the creamery to get ice cream (which he paid for) after we had played.  We sat in the creamery for nearly an hour and a half just talking-about dating, about life, just whatever.  Neither of us called it a date, since we were both trying to date other people at the time.  

  However, a first date was becoming inevitable it seemed.  After the Hunger Games premiere, we spent a couple hours in the lobby of Pineview talking.  He would come to my apartment or I would go to his to just talk. We spent nearly every weekend together hanging out or watching movies.  

  Things came to a head (mine, to be specific) one spring day in April in kajukenbo.  We were practicing a block in class with our partners.  It was Justin's turn to punch and mine to block at the moment.  However, I didn't do a very good job.  Actually, I pretty much just sucked. One second he's punching, and the next second I realize I'm blocking-with my face. Suddenly my nose feels like it is on fire and tears are streaming from my eyes before I can really react to the pain.  Justin immediately apologized with deer-in-the-headlight eyes and I hurried and ran to the bathroom after assuring him it was okay so I could cry in private.  However, I pretty much just started crying from shock for the next two hours whenever anyone asked if I was okay.  My nose, over the course of the next week, turned a lovely shade of black and blue to yellow and green.  Not long after this happened, I had a really bad day.  Justin told me that he owed me dinner anyway for punching me in the face and asked me to go to dinner with him.  I agreed, and we went on our first date to Noodles and Co.  

  Justin likes to tell everyone that he had to punch me in the face to knock some sense into me.  I like to tell people that he had to threaten me to get me to go out with him.  I'd like to say things took off immediately after our first date, but they didn't. Our relationship didn't come fast or particularly easy.  But it did strengthen our friendship and make me realize what an incredible friend he was.

  Will I ever stop friend-zoning Justin? Or will we forever be doomed to be "just friends?"

  Okay, I gotta stop with the stupid cliff-hangers.  We all know we're engaged now.  Der der der.  

  Whatever.  It's fun for me.

  Until next time...

Irony and Such

  It's a Saturday night and I have nothing to do while Justin is at work.  I could probably be doing homework.  Or doing something productive.  But I'm blogging.  Does that count as journal writing? Which is productive, right...?
  
  Dan and I went on some dates and went country swing dancing and hung out a lot over the course of the school year.  Even when we weren't romantically involved anymore, we still were good friends. Because of this, I spent a lot of time with his roommates.  But there was one other main reason I saw Justin a lot-he dated MY roommate first semester.  

  Okay, maybe it's only funny to me that we dated each other's roommates first, and now we're getting married. Anyone else find that at all ironic?

  No one?

  Okay, maybe you had to be there.  Or be me.  Moving on.

  When Fall semester was coming to a close last year, I had a conversation with Justin about classes for next semester in which I told him I was signed up for Kajukenbo (aka street fighting karate).  He showed some interest and I convinced him to sign up with me so I would have a friendly face in the class. 

  Still a story for another time.

  Justin and I spent a LOT of time together as just friends first and second semester - we went on grocery shopping trips together, played Sunday games together with our roommates, watched movies at each other's apartments, went together to dances and campus activities with our roommates, you name it.  

  But then things very, very, VERY slowly started to change.  It all started in St. George...(at least for me, haha.  He'll say it was much sooner than that.) For Spring Break, my roommate Ashley, her best friend from home, and I decided to go to Vegas. We stopped at Dan's dad's house in St. George for a day on the way, where Dan and Justin were staying for the break.  

  I remember being struck by how much fun I always had with Justin; he was always willing to go out and be spontaneous.  Not crazy, but fun.  At the end of the night, our group watched a movie at a club house.  Somehow, I ended up next to Justin in a kind of forced cuddle (I think you all know what I mean by this-sometimes you just get in a circumstance where you have no choice but to sit that close to someone, no matter what your intentions.  Can I get an amen?) 

  Anyway, I felt so awkward.  What was he doing, crossing lines like that? I had dated his roommate, he had dated mine, and the whole thing was so weird and uncomfortable.  So, I acted like nothing had happened, laughed it off, and moved on.

  We ended up running into the boys again in Vegas.  I remember thinking how much I loved these guys.  I had the best neighbors ever and I LOVED spending time with them.  

  In retrospect, this trip was a turning point-albeit a largely unnoticed one-in my relationship with Justin.  He wasn't just that guy I saw at school sometimes anymore.  Suddenly he was someone I wanted to see outside of school and spend more time with.  

  Maybe I wasn't thinking "spend eternity with", but I was well on my way.  

Boy Meets Girl

  I'm kind of bad at blogging. Of course, my ridiculously crazy school schedule is partly to blame.  Okay, mostly to blame. But maybe some of you readers are wondering how I met this kid I'm engaged to (or maybe just Rachel Mackliet.  Whatever. One person wondering is good enough for me. Haha.)

  It all started when a boy met a girl...

  When I moved up to Logan for my sophomore year of school, I had recently broken up with my boyfriend from the year before, and I vowed I was going to be more social this year.  So I decided to plan a giant bonfire party for our first weekend back at USU before the semester started.  My new roommates were very enthusiastic about the idea and decided to invite literally all of Pineview to the event.

  Next thing I know, we're all up the canyon at this bonfire where I know probably 5 out of the 70 people there. My friends from Davis county were all leaving to drive home, and I decided to find my roommates to see if they were ready to head back to Pineview.  I found them talking to a couple of boys who apparently lived right above us at Pineview.  I remember thinking they were both pretty cute, and thus began me being more "social."  

  We invited them back to our apartment to watch the Prestige.When we arrived, one of the boys asked me whose longboard was leaning up against the wall, and when I replied that it was mine, we immediately began having a good conversation.  We ended up sitting by each other during the movie, and somehow by the end, we were cuddling.  Throughout the year, me and this boy kind of sort of dated off and on.

  This boy's name was Dan.

  His cute roommate I also met that night?

  Justin.  That guy I'm engaged to now.

  Hahahahaha.  

  It's a funny story.  A series of funny stories, really.

  And that is the story of how I first met Justin Judd.  Little did I know that summer night that I had just met the man I was going to marry, or that our first "real" date would be in April that school year, or that we would take a karate class together and he would punch me in the face, which would lead to our first date.

  But those are stories for another time.  And until that time, you can all live in suspense of how our story ends.

  Just kidding.  We all know we end up engaged.  You know that by now, right?

  Right.

He liked it, so he put a ring on it.

Okay lovely readers.  I guess since it's kind of a major life event I should probably write about it! Also, it's easier to write this story than to try and do it over FB chat and/or text.  And let's face it, I'm a lot funnier when I write than I am when I talk.

Once upon a time I had a fantastic boyfriend named Justin.  Please see previous posts in order to define the term "fantastic boyfriend."  Anyway, he's incredible and perfect to/for me in every way.  People have been asking me since July when we were going to get engaged (keep in mind we started "officially" dating in June). Soooooo needless to say, this was not a wholly unexpected event.  In fact, as soon as we both got home from this last semester up at USU, attended my best friend's wedding (where I caught the boquet. Hehehe.), and had a day to breathe, we were out ring shopping.  

Ring shopping!! The whole experience was so surreal.  I felt like we were little kids and didn't know what we were supposed to do in this adult world.  Which is kind of silly, since I've been researching rings for like three months at this point. Oh well.  3 important things happened that day.
   1.  I found out that the kind of ring I thought I loved, I didn't love on my own finger. 
   2.  I fell in LOVE with a ring from Payne Anthony Jewelers. (Fantastic jewelers. I would recommend them in a heartbeat.) 
   3.  I will never, ever go to a Jared store again.  But that's another story.

So I picked out a gorgeous ring (please see FB) and Justin told me he would return at an undisclosed time to purchase it.

Fast forward two weeks.  I asked Justin really sneakily if he had gotten the ring yet (okay, so I was slightly paranoid that someone else would go buy it if he didn't.  As you will see later, I had no real reason to worry).   I finally wormed it out of him that he hadn't.  So I re-emphasized how much I loved that ring and he promised to call and reserve it the Thursday after Christmas.

On New Years Eve, he told me he had made us fancy dinner reservations at a restaurant downtown, and would be taking me ice skating at the Gallivan's center beforehand, and then we would be meeting up with his friend Keaton at temple square after dinner to help make a first date not awkward, since we all know how awkward temple square can be as a first date unless you both have a romantic interest in each other.

I told my parents I was leaving, and told my mom that Justin was being suspiciously fancy about this and that I'd call her if he proposed tonight.  However, upon arriving at his house, Justin told me that while he had purchased the ring that morning, the guy who usually sets the diamonds wasn't in since it was a holiday and he wouldn't get the ring till Wednesday.  

So we drove downtown, and as we were ice skating, he kept bringing me towards the middle of the ice rink and hugging me. I finally told him that he was acting incredibly suspicious and that if he hadn't told me that he didn't have the ring, I would think he was going to propose today.  He just laughed it off and told me that I was probably going to suspicious for the next few fancy dates until he finally proposed. 

After freezing our feet and ears and fingers and pretty much everything off, we went to dinner at the Lamb's Grill downtown.  After dinner, we walked to Temple Square Visitor's Center to go wait for Keaton and his date to arrive.  Finally Keaton called and said they had parked on the opposite side and that we needed to come meet them.  

So we trekked through the cold to the reflection pool, where Justin called Keaton and asked where they were.  Apparently they were at the fountain by the pedestal and we needed to walk all the way over there. After passing the reflection pool with no hint of a ring, I was absolutely sure that Justin was not trying to trick me and that he really had just taken me out on a fancy date for New Years.  

We got to the pedestal, where Justin's friend Brett and another girl came into view.  I figured that it was a triple date and Justin hadn't known Brett was coming until just now.  So he asked Brett to take a picture for us on the pedestal in front of the temple while we waited for Keaton.

As soon as one picture had been snapped, Keaton popped out of nowhere with a dozen red roses, handed them to me, and said, "I think you're going to need these!" and stood back.  Bewildered, I looked at Justin and watched as he started fiddling with his breast pocket.  I'm pretty sure I asked him at least four times "Are you serious?!" as I watched him pull out a tithing envelope (only in Utah, people).  I could tell he was trying not to laugh as he told me he was indeed serious! Next thing I know, Justin is down on one knee, saying that phrase every girl dreams of hearing her whole life- "Sloan Ivy Millward, will you marry me?" Or at least, I'm pretty sure that's what he said.  It all became a huge blur from this point.  I'm pretty sure I said yes, since he took the ring and put it on my finger. I started to tear up (happy tears, folks) and turned around to find my parents, Justin's parents, Elise and Cory, and a bunch of strangers cheering for us as we hugged and kissed.  

I have no idea what was said after that besides this conversation:
Me: "You sneaky boyfriend!!"
Keaton: "Sloan.  Fiance.  Not boyfriend."
Me: "You sneaky fian.....thing..."

Guess I'll need to practice that word a little more before I'm comfortable with it.

As soon as the shock started wearing off, I realized it was like 10 degrees outside and that I couldn't feel my fingers.  So our little group broke up and everyone started home.  Me and Justin walked to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and he told me all the lies he had been telling me for two weeks-like that he had reserved the ring two weeks ago and that he had had it since last Friday.  That he had asked my dad for permission on Sunday afternoon and that they had both had tears in their eyes during the conversation.  And of course, that he had been planning on this proposal and had a bunch of people in on it! 

Afterwards, we went to his car and he said some things that were on his mind that turned me into a human hosepipe again.  I have absolutely no idea how I ended up engaged to a man that is truly the kindest, most empathetic, caring, loving person I have ever met.  I have never been happier and couldn't imagine a better way to end and begin my New Year.

And our love story is just beginning :)