I'm sitting here with Laura in my kitchen...watching probably the WEIRDEST show EVER on TV. It's like a midget...and a lady that is older...and they totally are secretly flirting with each other and it's gross. Let's move on.
I didn't get called in to work today....woot. Woot to wootness. So I did my jobs and then me and Laur went to Wendy's to get food...haha. So exciting. I went shopping to try and find some modest shorts, but everything left is like a size 17...which I am not. I don't understand why on July 31 all the stores are selling jeans rather than shorts. Isn't it still summer? Oh well, saved me like twenty bucks :)
This show is seriously freaking me out. Just so you know. HOLY FREAKING WEIRD.
I really want to go see inception again. It's just so good!! And I hope there is a crazy thunderstorm, I absolutely love heavy rainstorms and lightning.
Well....I don't have very much to say today. Just chilling. Gotta go, bye!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
*Sound of Silence*
*Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well that's alright, becuase I like the way it hurts*
It's like trying to scream in a dream when nothing will come out, no matter how hard you try
It's like running to catch up, but always being one step behind
It's like swimming against a current that always sucks you back in
It's like letting yourself go, not realizing you'll never get it all back
It's like giving your heart, then realizing it's permanently broken in two
It's like trying to cry with no tears, only a numbness that never fades
It's like saying I love you to an empty room that echoes with your voice
It's like a staircase that never ends, always leading back to where you started
It's like trying to fly, but realizing after the jump you don't have wings
It's like falling, but knowing no one is going to be there to catch you
It's like waiting for an answer to a question that has no answer
It's like thinking you finally have it all, then watching it all crash down around you
It's like trying to fix the puzzle, only to realize the pieces don't fit anymore
It's like knowing you're getting sucked under, but not wanting to fight anymore
It's like an empty sigh, a deafening silence, a wordless confirmation of the truth:
It will never be the same
It's like trying to scream in a dream when nothing will come out, no matter how hard you try
It's like running to catch up, but always being one step behind
It's like swimming against a current that always sucks you back in
It's like letting yourself go, not realizing you'll never get it all back
It's like giving your heart, then realizing it's permanently broken in two
It's like trying to cry with no tears, only a numbness that never fades
It's like saying I love you to an empty room that echoes with your voice
It's like a staircase that never ends, always leading back to where you started
It's like trying to fly, but realizing after the jump you don't have wings
It's like falling, but knowing no one is going to be there to catch you
It's like waiting for an answer to a question that has no answer
It's like thinking you finally have it all, then watching it all crash down around you
It's like trying to fix the puzzle, only to realize the pieces don't fit anymore
It's like knowing you're getting sucked under, but not wanting to fight anymore
It's like an empty sigh, a deafening silence, a wordless confirmation of the truth:
It will never be the same
Thursday, July 29, 2010
What if I wake up? Then wake up again? Then wake up again and only think I'm awake?? haha.
I spent all of my day off with Laura today, we super deep cleaned her bathroom. Total time? 3 and a half hours. Cost? A bottle of antibacterial, two and a half rolls of paper towels, and a lot of dirt. Result? Priceless. The cleanest bathroom ever basically. So worth it. It was actually pretty fun since we were doing it with each other. Random trip to Walmart in the middle where we talked to Morganne about crazy Walmart people for a little bit. We went to my house after and got cleaned up and ate chips and salsa for dinner. Then me, Laur, Brogan, Mike, Ali and her little brother all went to go see Inception.
HOLY COW!!! One of my new favorite movies!! Absolutely an incredible idea, whoever made it up is an absolute genius. It's such a brain-teaser kind of movie that you just are either weirded out or love it. Or I guess both, because I'm still trying to figure out if my life is a dream or not. If you haven't seen it, GO SEE IT. NOW.
Do you ever think about what dying will be like? Will it be like Inception, where you just...wake up? Everyone you love is around you holding your hand and welcoming you back? Or do you wake up and have someone start showing you around limbo? Or are you just on Earth still, wandering around the planet unseen by living people, waiting for the second coming? I guess it's not a big deal right now, but still. I'm gonna stop before my brain explodes.
I wish I could have a five minute trip into the future of my life. Just five minutes spent five years from now. Wouldn't it be so nice to be able to see what's waiting for you, to have something to look forward to and try for, rather than living with the uncertainty that what you're doing right now is for the best? What do you do when you invest your time into something you think is so right but in the end is not what was best for you?
That's why I love the gospel so much. I love that the Lord is there every step of the way to help you know you're doing the right thing. It's good to know he can help you back to the right path when you stray.
Well, I'm going to go to bed. I work tomorrow but only for four hours. Yay! I want to do something epic tomorrow night before my really hard week of work next week.
Night night, bloggers.
HOLY COW!!! One of my new favorite movies!! Absolutely an incredible idea, whoever made it up is an absolute genius. It's such a brain-teaser kind of movie that you just are either weirded out or love it. Or I guess both, because I'm still trying to figure out if my life is a dream or not. If you haven't seen it, GO SEE IT. NOW.
Do you ever think about what dying will be like? Will it be like Inception, where you just...wake up? Everyone you love is around you holding your hand and welcoming you back? Or do you wake up and have someone start showing you around limbo? Or are you just on Earth still, wandering around the planet unseen by living people, waiting for the second coming? I guess it's not a big deal right now, but still. I'm gonna stop before my brain explodes.
I wish I could have a five minute trip into the future of my life. Just five minutes spent five years from now. Wouldn't it be so nice to be able to see what's waiting for you, to have something to look forward to and try for, rather than living with the uncertainty that what you're doing right now is for the best? What do you do when you invest your time into something you think is so right but in the end is not what was best for you?
That's why I love the gospel so much. I love that the Lord is there every step of the way to help you know you're doing the right thing. It's good to know he can help you back to the right path when you stray.
Well, I'm going to go to bed. I work tomorrow but only for four hours. Yay! I want to do something epic tomorrow night before my really hard week of work next week.
Night night, bloggers.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
*I left my heart in a place called Farmington*
I know, I already wrote once today. Sue me.
I want to write again because I just need to. It's what I do when there's no one to really talk to about stuff. I'm not sure what I'm feeling really...I'm not sure if I'm just anxious about moving out and college, or sad because I can't help an unhappy friend, or just emotional from all of the above. Yeah, probably the last one. Or it's pms. Joy :)
Honestly I really am struggling this week with the fact that for a whole year I don't get to be with him. I know, boo-hoo it's a year instead of two, I still get to see him and text him...I know. But at the same time everything's completely different and I'm afraid it'll almost be harder to hang out with him because we can't act like we usually do-like we like each other. He's set apart now, I don't want to distract him from his mission at all, I just want him to focus on the Lord.
Right?
I'm so used to seeing him three or four times a week, it's really freaking me out to realize I'll only see him like once every three weeks once I move away, unless he drives up sometimes to see me. He's one of my best friends, and I guess I'm just afraid of losing him or not being the same a year from now. I don't know. I just have been upset about that and I think I'm supposed to be honest on here. I already miss him so much.
I won't complain about it again, I promise. I just needed someone to talk to about it, and comveniently my blog was here to hear. :) I'll write something happier tomorrow, I promise.
I want to write again because I just need to. It's what I do when there's no one to really talk to about stuff. I'm not sure what I'm feeling really...I'm not sure if I'm just anxious about moving out and college, or sad because I can't help an unhappy friend, or just emotional from all of the above. Yeah, probably the last one. Or it's pms. Joy :)
Honestly I really am struggling this week with the fact that for a whole year I don't get to be with him. I know, boo-hoo it's a year instead of two, I still get to see him and text him...I know. But at the same time everything's completely different and I'm afraid it'll almost be harder to hang out with him because we can't act like we usually do-like we like each other. He's set apart now, I don't want to distract him from his mission at all, I just want him to focus on the Lord.
Right?
I'm so used to seeing him three or four times a week, it's really freaking me out to realize I'll only see him like once every three weeks once I move away, unless he drives up sometimes to see me. He's one of my best friends, and I guess I'm just afraid of losing him or not being the same a year from now. I don't know. I just have been upset about that and I think I'm supposed to be honest on here. I already miss him so much.
I won't complain about it again, I promise. I just needed someone to talk to about it, and comveniently my blog was here to hear. :) I'll write something happier tomorrow, I promise.
Oh, college...that's next month...shoot.
Random question. Do most people title their blogs before or after they write them? I always title mine after. I never know what I'm writing till I actually do it. Woot.
I didn't get called in to work today, obviously, and therefore have spent the morning cleaning out my room for college. I love cleaning out stuff, is that weird? It gives me a really strange satisfaction to get things super clean. I think I have a mental disease or something :)
I wish someone could actually play today!! Nicky is working, Laura has work in an hour, Elise is river rafting, and Erik is at the Metro building. Plus I'm still not really sure what he can and can't do. I want to go see Inception SO BAD, everyone says it's amazing, or I want to go to Boondocks and race the go carts or go mini golfing. Mainly I just want to get out of my house and do something out of the ordinary. Me and Jade are going to watch Pink Panther Two when she gets home from work tonight, I'm pretty excited for that. It's been great to finally get close to her. We have movie nights every couple weeks and we go to dinner together or buy $25 fireworks together. She is so flippin' funny. And weird. But mostly just funny, I love spending time with her.
I am actually surprised anyone is following my blog! You guys must have incredible dedication or really boring lives since you want to follow mine ;) haha. Just kidding, I love it. You guys are great.
I am so excited for college. I'm so excited to get away from my parents and finally have the chance to make my own decisions about everything instead of having what I will and will not do told to me. I'm pretty sure my parents will not treat me like an adult until they finally realize I'm in college, not seventh grade, and that I'm a big girl, fully capable of making my own decisions and doing the right thing without being forced to. I want them to trust me, you know? 25 days.
However on the flip side, I am SERIOUSLY going to miss some people I'm leaving back here in ftown. Namely Erik, Laura, and Elise. My best friends :( It's going to be tough saying goodbye to them, not knowing if we'll ever be like we are right now...But Erik's coming back up to Logan next fall after his mission, so I'll just write to my missionary for a year. :) Laura and Elise probably aren't coming to USU though, so I'll really miss them :( I don't like change. Obviously. But with every ending comes a new beginning, so I'm hoping this all turns out for the best.
Yesterday was a really great day, unexpectedly though for the most part. I balanced my cash drawer at work!! :D I don't care what happens, that automatically makes it a pretty good day. I came home and hung with Elise, we went to the new McDonald's. It's so freakin nice!! Love it waaaay more than old ghetto Mickey D's. Then we went to a park and swung in the rain and I nearly got killed by an evil tree branch almost falling on my head. My family went to Boondocks to go bowling last night for family night, it was great :)
Humans are so weird. We long for human contact, for someone to hold our hands and make us feel loved, but at the same time, we don't want anyone touching us or invading our bubbles. It just seems..oh I don't know, like an oxymoron? That everyone wants someone to call theirs and to keep close and have to hold, but we all start out feeling awkward and uncomfortable around that someone that might someday be the one?
That made no sense. Well, it did in my head. But that's about it. There's my completely random thought for the day.
Oh yeah!! Elise got the pictures from the photoshoot up on facebook! I'll add some to my blog :) She is so good at making people look good. Her and Brogan's professional modeling advice. haha.
I guess I'll go finish cleaning my bookshelf off now, since my books are all laying all over my floor. Maybe more later? We'll see.
I didn't get called in to work today, obviously, and therefore have spent the morning cleaning out my room for college. I love cleaning out stuff, is that weird? It gives me a really strange satisfaction to get things super clean. I think I have a mental disease or something :)
I wish someone could actually play today!! Nicky is working, Laura has work in an hour, Elise is river rafting, and Erik is at the Metro building. Plus I'm still not really sure what he can and can't do. I want to go see Inception SO BAD, everyone says it's amazing, or I want to go to Boondocks and race the go carts or go mini golfing. Mainly I just want to get out of my house and do something out of the ordinary. Me and Jade are going to watch Pink Panther Two when she gets home from work tonight, I'm pretty excited for that. It's been great to finally get close to her. We have movie nights every couple weeks and we go to dinner together or buy $25 fireworks together. She is so flippin' funny. And weird. But mostly just funny, I love spending time with her.
I am actually surprised anyone is following my blog! You guys must have incredible dedication or really boring lives since you want to follow mine ;) haha. Just kidding, I love it. You guys are great.
I am so excited for college. I'm so excited to get away from my parents and finally have the chance to make my own decisions about everything instead of having what I will and will not do told to me. I'm pretty sure my parents will not treat me like an adult until they finally realize I'm in college, not seventh grade, and that I'm a big girl, fully capable of making my own decisions and doing the right thing without being forced to. I want them to trust me, you know? 25 days.
However on the flip side, I am SERIOUSLY going to miss some people I'm leaving back here in ftown. Namely Erik, Laura, and Elise. My best friends :( It's going to be tough saying goodbye to them, not knowing if we'll ever be like we are right now...But Erik's coming back up to Logan next fall after his mission, so I'll just write to my missionary for a year. :) Laura and Elise probably aren't coming to USU though, so I'll really miss them :( I don't like change. Obviously. But with every ending comes a new beginning, so I'm hoping this all turns out for the best.
Yesterday was a really great day, unexpectedly though for the most part. I balanced my cash drawer at work!! :D I don't care what happens, that automatically makes it a pretty good day. I came home and hung with Elise, we went to the new McDonald's. It's so freakin nice!! Love it waaaay more than old ghetto Mickey D's. Then we went to a park and swung in the rain and I nearly got killed by an evil tree branch almost falling on my head. My family went to Boondocks to go bowling last night for family night, it was great :)
Humans are so weird. We long for human contact, for someone to hold our hands and make us feel loved, but at the same time, we don't want anyone touching us or invading our bubbles. It just seems..oh I don't know, like an oxymoron? That everyone wants someone to call theirs and to keep close and have to hold, but we all start out feeling awkward and uncomfortable around that someone that might someday be the one?
That made no sense. Well, it did in my head. But that's about it. There's my completely random thought for the day.
Oh yeah!! Elise got the pictures from the photoshoot up on facebook! I'll add some to my blog :) She is so good at making people look good. Her and Brogan's professional modeling advice. haha.
I guess I'll go finish cleaning my bookshelf off now, since my books are all laying all over my floor. Maybe more later? We'll see.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
A New Beginning...
Oh man I'm already falling behind on blogging. Just like journal writing ;) Better do a quick catch up on the week. Here goes.
So basically on Tuesday I didn't get called into work, so instead Elise and I did a photoshoot :) She's so great!! Laura came with and we headed to Brogan's for my cowboy-esque shoot. It was SO FUN. Brogan is a riot and kept us laughing the whole time. And he has a corvette. Definitely a plus right there. So beautiful. I also finally wrote Scott back, it took almost a month- Sorry Scott!! haha.
Wednesday I worked in Layton, really fun branch, really slow. We got blizzards partway through the day :) I converted the other branch members to Mint Oreo blizzards with chocolate ice cream. If you haven't tried them, DO IT. They are so so SO good. Hung out with Erik that night. We went on a long drive, talked about Utah State, went and got Keva's with Nicky and her friend Logan...well I had fun. Erik can always make me laugh.
Thursday I didn't work, so I got to sleep in a little bit, which was really nice. So instead I went to lunch with my grandma, great aunt, mom, and brother at Cutler's, and then kind of spur of the moment I decided to plan a surprise "good-luck-on-your-mission" party for Erik. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it on the weekend due to some other plans, so we had to do it that night. So I took Erik to Winger's for dinner since it's his favorite, and we just talked and had a good time. When we got back to my house, we went inside where Mike, Elise, Connorie, Brady, and Brogan were waiting to yell surprise. We ate lots of food and played catch phrase and Apples to Apples. Nicky and Todd came a little bit later, which was great :)
Everyone left around eleven, then I took Erik home. It was just a really, really great, special night. :) I got Erik some dog tags that say "Army of God" and have Joshua 1:9 quoted. I know how much he loves dog tags and the army and figured he would really like them. He means so much to me so I wanted to try to show him :)
Friday I worked as usual...then went with Erik to the fireworks in Bountiful. We met up with Sean Mike and Con there, and the fireworks were awesome! We sat in a really great place I've never sat before on top of some hill by the cemetery. It was me and Erik's last night together before he got started on his mission again, so I wanted it to be a really great night. After the fireworks we went to Con's and then to Wendy's, and then Erik took me home. Another amazing, meaningful, wonderful, night. But slightly bittersweet...we won't be like this for a year at least, and even though it's what we both want right now for the future, it's like he says. Nothing can change God's plan.
He just makes me feel so happy. Can I be cliche on here? He makes me feel like a princess. You know there is something right about a guy that makes you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world when you're around him. It's impossible to describe Friday and Thursday in words, so I won't try. But I definitely want to date him again when he finishes his mission next year. We'll see what happens then.
Me and Laura hung out for a few hours Saturday after I finally woke up and did my jobs. She is so funny! We're probably two of the most legit people I know, driving around with sunglasses on rapping "This is Why I'm Hot" with the bass all the way up and the windows down in my car. Then I went to the Bees game with the fam and watched more fireworks. Not as good as Friday's, but still fun.
Yep, time to make a list. A list of things that make me happy :) it's definitely in no particular order.
1. Shooting stars
2. (This is sad...) Facebook notifications
3. Pictures
4. Kisses that mean something
5. Hugging my best friends
6. Crying during chick flicks with other girls :) haha
7. Sitting under the stars with a good friend
8. Deep conversations
9. Ice cream!! But especially mint chocolate chip
10. Texting someone that uses words instead of "u" or "r" or no punctuation (yes, I'm an English nerd. Get over it.)
11. Long drives
12. Singing along to my favorite songs
13. Being complimented by the boy I like
14. Being missed
15. Giving presents that you know the person you're giving it to will really, really like
16. When guys hold the door or get your car door for you
17. Disneyland
18. Fireworks
19. Going to Utah Jazz games and freaking out when they win
20. Being surprise visited by a friend
21. Free money!! ( I have yet for this to happen, but I imagine it would make me happy. haha)
22. Dressing up like a princess for dances
23. Singing in front of an audience
24. Holding hands
25. Cute, sweet, thoughtful texts
26. Getting a phone call instead of a text-except when it's my parents, cuz that just means I'm in trouble.
27. Long naps
28. Exercising then feeling wiped out but super healthy
29. Summer days where it feels like everything is going right and everyone loves you
30. Having my hair played with
31. Long walks at the Lagoon Trail
32. Writing a missionary
33. Having someone tell you you're their best friend
34. Making eye contact with someone cute and smiling at them
35. Long, rejuvinating showers that somehow make the world a better place
36. The creek at Smoot Park
37. Standing in a huge rainstorm alone at night, getting soaked to the bone
38. Knowing you're one of the most important people in the world to someone
39. Having a clean room
40. Going to the temple
41. Balancing at work, haha
42. Getting a new outfit and feeling like a million bucks
43. New music
44. Books
45. The smell of the guy I like (not in a creepy way...)
46. Driving really fast
47. Writing poems (okay, for reals, I'm not a nerd I swear. I just find that a good way to express what I feel, not in an emo way)
48. Being teased
49. Getting freaked out in a fun way with other girls
50. Telling someone you love them and meaning it
Wow that was longer than I planned on making it. But all very true. Sorry, this was a ginormously huge blog. Or glob, as I like to call it. ;)
Erik starts his mission tomorrow, he just got set apart :D :D. Holy cow he'll do great!! The Lord will bless him for staying true to everything and to his testimony even though the last year has been one of his hardest. Good luck Elder Hanson :)
I'll probably write again tomorrow when I get off work at 2. Syracuse again. Love you all :)
So basically on Tuesday I didn't get called into work, so instead Elise and I did a photoshoot :) She's so great!! Laura came with and we headed to Brogan's for my cowboy-esque shoot. It was SO FUN. Brogan is a riot and kept us laughing the whole time. And he has a corvette. Definitely a plus right there. So beautiful. I also finally wrote Scott back, it took almost a month- Sorry Scott!! haha.
Wednesday I worked in Layton, really fun branch, really slow. We got blizzards partway through the day :) I converted the other branch members to Mint Oreo blizzards with chocolate ice cream. If you haven't tried them, DO IT. They are so so SO good. Hung out with Erik that night. We went on a long drive, talked about Utah State, went and got Keva's with Nicky and her friend Logan...well I had fun. Erik can always make me laugh.
Thursday I didn't work, so I got to sleep in a little bit, which was really nice. So instead I went to lunch with my grandma, great aunt, mom, and brother at Cutler's, and then kind of spur of the moment I decided to plan a surprise "good-luck-on-your-mission" party for Erik. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it on the weekend due to some other plans, so we had to do it that night. So I took Erik to Winger's for dinner since it's his favorite, and we just talked and had a good time. When we got back to my house, we went inside where Mike, Elise, Connorie, Brady, and Brogan were waiting to yell surprise. We ate lots of food and played catch phrase and Apples to Apples. Nicky and Todd came a little bit later, which was great :)
Everyone left around eleven, then I took Erik home. It was just a really, really great, special night. :) I got Erik some dog tags that say "Army of God" and have Joshua 1:9 quoted. I know how much he loves dog tags and the army and figured he would really like them. He means so much to me so I wanted to try to show him :)
Me and Laura hung out for a few hours Saturday after I finally woke up and did my jobs. She is so funny! We're probably two of the most legit people I know, driving around with sunglasses on rapping "This is Why I'm Hot" with the bass all the way up and the windows down in my car. Then I went to the Bees game with the fam and watched more fireworks. Not as good as Friday's, but still fun.
Yep, time to make a list. A list of things that make me happy :) it's definitely in no particular order.
1. Shooting stars
2. (This is sad...) Facebook notifications
3. Pictures
4. Kisses that mean something
5. Hugging my best friends
6. Crying during chick flicks with other girls :) haha
7. Sitting under the stars with a good friend
8. Deep conversations
9. Ice cream!! But especially mint chocolate chip
10. Texting someone that uses words instead of "u" or "r" or no punctuation (yes, I'm an English nerd. Get over it.)
11. Long drives
12. Singing along to my favorite songs
13. Being complimented by the boy I like
14. Being missed
15. Giving presents that you know the person you're giving it to will really, really like
16. When guys hold the door or get your car door for you
17. Disneyland
18. Fireworks
19. Going to Utah Jazz games and freaking out when they win
20. Being surprise visited by a friend
21. Free money!! ( I have yet for this to happen, but I imagine it would make me happy. haha)
22. Dressing up like a princess for dances
23. Singing in front of an audience
24. Holding hands
25. Cute, sweet, thoughtful texts
26. Getting a phone call instead of a text-except when it's my parents, cuz that just means I'm in trouble.
27. Long naps
28. Exercising then feeling wiped out but super healthy
29. Summer days where it feels like everything is going right and everyone loves you
30. Having my hair played with
31. Long walks at the Lagoon Trail
32. Writing a missionary
33. Having someone tell you you're their best friend
34. Making eye contact with someone cute and smiling at them
35. Long, rejuvinating showers that somehow make the world a better place
36. The creek at Smoot Park
37. Standing in a huge rainstorm alone at night, getting soaked to the bone
38. Knowing you're one of the most important people in the world to someone
39. Having a clean room
40. Going to the temple
41. Balancing at work, haha
42. Getting a new outfit and feeling like a million bucks
43. New music
44. Books
45. The smell of the guy I like (not in a creepy way...)
46. Driving really fast
47. Writing poems (okay, for reals, I'm not a nerd I swear. I just find that a good way to express what I feel, not in an emo way)
48. Being teased
49. Getting freaked out in a fun way with other girls
50. Telling someone you love them and meaning it
Wow that was longer than I planned on making it. But all very true. Sorry, this was a ginormously huge blog. Or glob, as I like to call it. ;)
Erik starts his mission tomorrow, he just got set apart :D :D. Holy cow he'll do great!! The Lord will bless him for staying true to everything and to his testimony even though the last year has been one of his hardest. Good luck Elder Hanson :)
I'll probably write again tomorrow when I get off work at 2. Syracuse again. Love you all :)
Monday, July 19, 2010
I think I'm supposed to be on a rollercoaster right now, by the way
How often am I supposed to write on this thing anyway? Just whenever? Hope no one really ever reads all these, they'll probably be bored to death.
I think it's a venting day. AGH. Does anyone else ever have those days where they feel like a pop can shook too much and it all just has to explode before the pressure and stress kills you?
Maybe it's just me.
I try not to be a jealous person, at least not without good cause. Sometimes I fail at this. Fail with a capital M. But just because I don't get legitimately jealous doesn't mean I don't have feelings that can get hurt. There are just some things that I really can't stand, things that get under my skin more than anything.
1. People that lie to your face
2. Ditchers
3. People that talk bad about their "friends" behind their back
4. People that yell at you when you didn't do anything wrong
5. When someone stops talking to you for no good reason
If I can't trust you, then you're not gonna be my friend long. And what better way is there to tell someone they're only a second-rate friend than by ditching them when you get a better offer-who cares if you already had plans? I guess since I don't let people bad mouth my friends to me, I expect my friends to do the same for me. I am so sick of fake friends. I remember Scott Hunter saying that all the time his senior year, that most people are just shallow friends, not the kind you want to have forever. At the time I didn't really understand, but I sure do now. If you were never planning to be my good, true, loyal friend, don't pretend to be. Ever.
I am frustrated to death with it all. I just want to curl up in a corner somewhere and not even worry about friends hurting me. You can't get hurt if you don't let anyone in.
A friend told me once that he keeps people at a distance so he can't hurt them, and so they can't hurt him. After I told him I'd let him in my life because I trusted and wanted him to be someone special in it.
Funny how life works that way.
Funny how someone can be the world to you, but then when you ask them, they need a 'backup' girl while they're "not in a relationship" with you (you just kiss for fun, right?), or end up telling you they care about someone else, maybe even more than they care about you. But stay, because at the moment, you don't need to worry about that.
Right. At the moment. But what do you do? Because you care about them too much to let them go. It'll get better, you'll be the exception girl, the one they decide they want to stick with finally.
Right?
I think I'll go for a drive tonight to my favorite park and listen to some Eminem. Vent my feelings some more. Try to make sense of everything going around in circles in my head constantly.
Hope I figure this one out before anything-like...let's say...my heart-gets broken.
I think it's a venting day. AGH. Does anyone else ever have those days where they feel like a pop can shook too much and it all just has to explode before the pressure and stress kills you?
Maybe it's just me.
I try not to be a jealous person, at least not without good cause. Sometimes I fail at this. Fail with a capital M. But just because I don't get legitimately jealous doesn't mean I don't have feelings that can get hurt. There are just some things that I really can't stand, things that get under my skin more than anything.
1. People that lie to your face
2. Ditchers
3. People that talk bad about their "friends" behind their back
4. People that yell at you when you didn't do anything wrong
5. When someone stops talking to you for no good reason
If I can't trust you, then you're not gonna be my friend long. And what better way is there to tell someone they're only a second-rate friend than by ditching them when you get a better offer-who cares if you already had plans? I guess since I don't let people bad mouth my friends to me, I expect my friends to do the same for me. I am so sick of fake friends. I remember Scott Hunter saying that all the time his senior year, that most people are just shallow friends, not the kind you want to have forever. At the time I didn't really understand, but I sure do now. If you were never planning to be my good, true, loyal friend, don't pretend to be. Ever.
I am frustrated to death with it all. I just want to curl up in a corner somewhere and not even worry about friends hurting me. You can't get hurt if you don't let anyone in.
A friend told me once that he keeps people at a distance so he can't hurt them, and so they can't hurt him. After I told him I'd let him in my life because I trusted and wanted him to be someone special in it.
Funny how life works that way.
Funny how someone can be the world to you, but then when you ask them, they need a 'backup' girl while they're "not in a relationship" with you (you just kiss for fun, right?), or end up telling you they care about someone else, maybe even more than they care about you. But stay, because at the moment, you don't need to worry about that.
Right. At the moment. But what do you do? Because you care about them too much to let them go. It'll get better, you'll be the exception girl, the one they decide they want to stick with finally.
Right?
I think I'll go for a drive tonight to my favorite park and listen to some Eminem. Vent my feelings some more. Try to make sense of everything going around in circles in my head constantly.
Hope I figure this one out before anything-like...let's say...my heart-gets broken.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Sucked into the blogging world....Oh dear.
So. Blogging. Public spewing of thoughts that most people don't care about. Shouldn't I just be writing in a journal instead? Oh well. Maybe someone out there will be interested in the little details of my life. ;)
Where to start? High school? My birth? Graduation? Eh. Too much to catch up on now. I'll just start right where I am.
My name is Sloan Ivy. I'm 17 years and 11 months old. I just graduated, and just started a new job at Zions Bank. Can you say stressful?? It is the single hardest job ever...so much to memorize, like more than you could ever imagine!! Plus the consequences are really serious for messing up. Welcome to reality/the rest of your life.
I absolutely love my friends to DEATH. The sisterhood :) My girls, the ones who stick with me through (almost) everything. Drama, drama, drama...you know. Typical teenage girl stuff...heartbreaks, loneliness, school, boys...but they love me no matter what! And of course Erik. My best guy friend in the world. He lets me talk to him about everything and anything, no matter how stupid it is. He probably knows way more about me than he ever wanted to, and has probably answered more random questions about himself for me than he even thought possible. Love that kid, he's been there for me through some hard stuff and I have many good memories with him <3.
Today has just been another sunday of the summer; another farewell. Lee Essig's. He's going to be such a great missionary!! He's always been so strong in the gospel and has been a great example to everyone he knows. It was weird to hug him and think I won't see him for another two years.
Speaking of missionaries. Scott Hunter, my missionary pen pal...he's another great example in my life. All of his letters are full of hope for the future, of great advice, insight on the gospel, and he has a good sense of humor that always brightens my day. He's been out since last December and is serving the Lord in Pennsylvania. Erik starts his mission in a week out in Salt Lake. I know he'll do great, it's something I think he'll actually enjoy and be good at. I'm so proud of him for going back out even though it's not always been easy.
Well...that's probably enough for today anyway. At least for me, since I'm the only one that will probably ever read this :p Time to go to bed...gotta get up early for work tomorrow, have to be ready by eight, bleh! Money is great though, won't complain when I get my paycheck ;) g'night!
Where to start? High school? My birth? Graduation? Eh. Too much to catch up on now. I'll just start right where I am.
My name is Sloan Ivy. I'm 17 years and 11 months old. I just graduated, and just started a new job at Zions Bank. Can you say stressful?? It is the single hardest job ever...so much to memorize, like more than you could ever imagine!! Plus the consequences are really serious for messing up. Welcome to reality/the rest of your life.
I absolutely love my friends to DEATH. The sisterhood :) My girls, the ones who stick with me through (almost) everything. Drama, drama, drama...you know. Typical teenage girl stuff...heartbreaks, loneliness, school, boys...but they love me no matter what! And of course Erik. My best guy friend in the world. He lets me talk to him about everything and anything, no matter how stupid it is. He probably knows way more about me than he ever wanted to, and has probably answered more random questions about himself for me than he even thought possible. Love that kid, he's been there for me through some hard stuff and I have many good memories with him <3.
Today has just been another sunday of the summer; another farewell. Lee Essig's. He's going to be such a great missionary!! He's always been so strong in the gospel and has been a great example to everyone he knows. It was weird to hug him and think I won't see him for another two years.
Speaking of missionaries. Scott Hunter, my missionary pen pal...he's another great example in my life. All of his letters are full of hope for the future, of great advice, insight on the gospel, and he has a good sense of humor that always brightens my day. He's been out since last December and is serving the Lord in Pennsylvania. Erik starts his mission in a week out in Salt Lake. I know he'll do great, it's something I think he'll actually enjoy and be good at. I'm so proud of him for going back out even though it's not always been easy.
Well...that's probably enough for today anyway. At least for me, since I'm the only one that will probably ever read this :p Time to go to bed...gotta get up early for work tomorrow, have to be ready by eight, bleh! Money is great though, won't complain when I get my paycheck ;) g'night!
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