What a week

  You know that saying, when it rains, it pours? Yeah, pretty sure this is the truest saying of all time.  Life is CRAZY. 
  I know this sounds super morbid, but death has been on my mind a lot lately, because my great aunt that was more like a 3rd grandma died Monday. You have to realize I've never been to a viewing, and never to a family member's funeral. So...it's been a rough week.  And yes, death has been a lot on my mind.  It's so weird how much a person isn't themself after their spirit is gone...and how fast life can end.  Suddenly all those worldly things like money mean absolutely nothing. I don't know.  I just am feeling weird about the whole thing.
  On a happier note, work is going really well, my boss told me he's really pleased with the job I'm doing and he's very happy he hired me.  Thanks Ty :) The people I work with are hilarious and fun to work with.  I also got a new guitar this week!!! It's a teton acoustic/electric. And I LOVE it.  Now I just gotta save my pennies for an amp to go with it. 
  In other news, my sister got engaged!! She FINALLY is wearing a ring on that special left finger...after a 4 year relationship. I'm happy for them :) Now to plan the wedding... :)
  Well kids, that's my life right now.  Work, funerals, and guitar. But hey, it's only up from here, right?  Up, up, and away.

It's Friday night...and I just got paid.

  Holy colas kids, it's been a long week! I worked a full-time job all week for the first time in my life.  However, getting my paycheck today was very rewarding.  It's a good job, and much better than many I could have that pay less.  I'm extremely lucky to have gotten it.  I just need to find a way to stop all the swearing that goes on all day...
  I got to see a bunch of friends from high school yesterday, it was GREAT.  I miss those kids.
  I wish I had anything more exciting to say, but truly I don't.  I wake up for work at 6 every morning, work from 7-3 with no breaks, and then come home and
     a) nap   b) eat a snack  c) read   d) do stuff with my family or  e) all of the above
  Everyone is just too busy to hang out these days.  Not to mention in about two weeks, I will start losing all my guy friends as they serve the Lord. Go them! I have two farewells to go to on Sunday, and then I think after that, I have at least one a week until like...August.  Wow. 
  My life is boring, kiddos.  Hopefully I'll manage to spice it up somehow sometime soon so I don't die of boredom.
  Hope everyone is having a fantabulous day.
p.s. I really hope someone recognized the blog title is a N*SYNC song :)

At last

  Finally, this week is over.  It has been very, very long and hard.  I'm glad it's in the past.  Tomorrow I have work at seven a.m, I'm still getting used to the whole full-time, very early schedule I'm on.  I haven't gotten up this early since high school.
  I spent a lot of time with some high school friends this weekend.  I stayed out talking with one of my old best friends until 3 am on Friday after getting ice cream with some others.  Then Saturday I spent some time with Laura before her date, and then went longboarding for the second time this summer with Brandy.  It was so great to longboard again!
  This next week I'm hoping to get out longboarding again and maybe go to temple square to see the flowers, it's been a while since I went down there and I usually only go in December, so May would be pretty. 
  Here's a song that I've recently really gotten into...thanks to Jade and the VD for introducing me to it.  Give it a listen.
  This song has been on repeat on my iPod the last week.  It's one of my very favorite songs in the world and recently has meant more than usual to me. 
  Probably gonna go shower and try to go to bed early...hope everyone is having a good Sunday

What I've learned this week

• I know how to work at Jerry Seiner now.  I almost have made it through the training process and I think I'll do well at my new job, and I like the people I work with.
• It's always interesting to find out who your real friends are when you're having a hard time, and sometimes surprising to find out which friends don't even try to be there for you.
• Some people will do whatever they want, and they'll do whatever they have to do to make sure they get it. 
• I still hurt so bad.  Someone should have warned me.
• The only person I want to talk to about how bad this hurts is the one person I can't talk to.  I hate not being able to talk to my best friend.
• Ice cream solves everything...at least while you're eating it.
• Same with chocolate.
• People that will drop everything to help you out are the people you want to make sure you keep around as long as possible.
• Staying busy keeps my mind off the fact I can't hang out with him tonight.
• Life isn't fair, most the time you don't get what you want, and it does no good to erase a phone number if you have it memorized.
• Gladiator sandals are the coolest ever.
• My inbox now takes 6 days to fill instead of 1.
• It doesn't get easier. If anything, I swear it's getting harder to watch his life keep going without me a part of it, or him a part of mine.  This is what I wanted?
• I'm not going to write any more complaint posts.  This is the last one.  For a while. I promise.

kthxbye.

The last 3 days

  Here's my life.  I eat chocolate cereal for breakfast, drink chocolate milk, eat ice cream at least once, eat lots of carbs, and do absolutely nothing except lay on the couch, because my room is starting to become a disaster. For the record, none of it makes me feel much better.  But I can't find the motivation to force myself out of the house for anything besides (you guessed it) feel good food. 

  I know, I am sucking at this.  But nothing's changing and it keeps me distracted from how lonely I am and how much this whole situation sucks. 

  I'm so ready to be done with this, and it's only day 3.

FML.

  How do you say goodbye to your best friend?  It's really hard when you've had that security for so long- knowing someone loved you exactly the way you are, someone to talk to about everything- and then you make that decision to let all of that go.  How are you supposed to just...stop.  Everything.  All at once?  No more phone calls, no more texts, no more dates and hanging out.  No more stopping by just to say hi, no more surprise presents.  No more saying "I love you" and knowing it's the truest words you ever said.
  I don't care if this is a typical post for this situation.  It's still my first time.  And it still hurts like...that one place.  It still is hard.  And to give up a year+  of memories and stuff...it just plain sucks.  Because this time, I know it's not just for a month or two that I won't see you.

  People are people, and sometimes it doesn't work out.

  But there's nothing you can do sometimes when you know it's for the best, and you know it's the right thing to do.  It's time to buck up and get used to being alone.  The world hasn't stopped spinning, time is moving on.  And there's nothing to do but move on along with it, and hope that friends will try to help you fill that aching, pain-filled gap in your heart.
  Everything happens for a reason...and I guess this chapter in my story's ending.  Hopefully for both of us, a happy ending is in the making.  Thanks for helping me become the woman I am today, for healing me, for teaching me, and for giving me the confidence to know that I deserve to be loved just the way I am.  
  Time heals everything...right?  Guess it's finally my turn to find out. 
   

What a lie.

"Love conquers all"  -Virgil

It's that time again

  About once a year, when the trees start blossoming and flowers start blooming, when the weather decides that it's going to be warm and not snow anymore, I get an illness.  A terrible, terrible illness.

  I often lose the thread of conversations, I can't focus on anything very long.  I sigh and frown a lot.  I watch TV just so I can watch for commercials.  I pass billboards, which bring on another series of sighs and wishful thinking.  I check my bank account daily while making plans. 

  I call this sickness "Disneyitis."  All I want to do is go to Disneyland!  Somehow everywhere I go and every song I listen to makes me want to go to Disneyland. It is my very favorite trip in the whole world.  You have to understand that my whole family are Disney freaks.  That's where we always want to go on family trips.  You'd think that by now I'd have gone there enough to be sick of it.

  Heck, I went two times last year alone!

It's bad.  I want to ride Indiana Jones and Pirates of the Caribbean, go for a cruise on Splash Mountain, meet the characters at the character breakfast...what is wrong with me?! I have now asked Jade, Connorie, Nicky, and my mom to all just go on a random trip with me to Disneyland. 

Too bad they all said no.

Oh well.  Disneyland, I hope that soon I will be visiting you.  After all, you are the Happiest Place on Earth. :)

School's out for the summer!

  Well I'm moved home for the semester.  It's so weird to think that I will never spend another night in Snow Hall, since it was my home from August through April.  I'm so excited for next year though in Pineview with Ash and Nick, it's going to be great.  And all the men in our ward will be rm's, which is waaaaay better than 18-19 year old boys.  And we'll have a pool.  And a dishwasher!!! YES!! For my last night we all went to see Sean Kingston Friday night.  It was alright...we were so squished in the middle of everyone, and we were all trying to keep short little Amanda alive that it wasn't really worth it.  But we did see someone get arrested! That was cool. haha.  Anyway, then I went and got fries which were delicious, and then I went to bed for the last time in Snow.  I left really early Saturday morning so I didn't get to say bye to any of my roommates :( I can't believe how much I already miss people up there.  I hope I get to see them lots this summer.
  So now I'm at home, and it's so nice to be moved in at home,  not carting stuff up and down from Logan every couple weekends.  I think I'm getting a job this week, and I'll probably be working from 7 to 3 Monday through Friday...I need the money though.  It'll be grand. 
  That's really all I have to say tonight.  Maybe I'll see some of you on Tuesday when I drive up to take my one and only final :)